Being a pastor's wife can be very difficult yet it can be very joyful. It is a role many serve well while others struggle. When the Lord called us to Willard, I struggled with much of the advice given to pastors wives. I never could understand the advice that a pastor's wife was not have friends in the church. I understand that you don't want to offend people with having a 'best' friend. That could cause hard feelings. But not having friends at all just did not make sense to me. After leaving Willard I realized maybe why a pastor's wife is not to have friends in the church is because when you leave it hurts. Leaving my church family was very hard to do. We lived life together for fifteen years. They were in my life for the birth of our first grandchild...actually the birth of all of our grandchildren. They saw us through many MS exacerbations. Doc's foot surgery, tonsillectomy, foot surgery, multiple kidney stones, etc. They were my support when my Daddy died. We were there for births, deaths, graduations, etc. They were more than just my church family. They were my friends. I remember before we left being asked "How can we love on our new pastor's wife the best? What can we do to make her feel welcome and a part of our church family?" My first response was, "Don't compare her to me. Whoever comes will not be like me." Of course we laughed at that statement! But one thing that makes me different than other pastor wives is that I am not only called to be a helpmate for my husband but I am called to be a pastor. I do things in and out of the church as a pastor. Not every pastor's wife would officiate a funeral. Although I have talked to some who their husband became ill and did so. Not every pastor's wife goes to pastoral meetings. I also answered the question by saying, "Love on her like you loved on me. Support her in whatever she does." I remember when we first went to Willard I traveled back and forth to work at Smuckers for a long time. During that time the church loved on us with supper many times. They loved on me with cards to encourage me. They didn't put expectations upon me that were unbearable to meet, although I did. Most of all I knew there were many ladies praying for me as I traveled and that meant a lot. Last night I had a message from a friend about being a shepherd. She wrote,
You do a great job at all the things Peter calls shepherds to be! I recall reading in a farm magazine a neat article about the life of sheep-herding. They live a rather dangerous and difficult life, but the rewards must be good, such as living under the stars, nomad-like, in a slower paced life than most of us will ever live. However, isolation and loneliness was the hardest challenge. I am a loner by nature, I might enjoy it. But my point was, being the Pastor and Pastor's wife might be just as lonely at times? I hope not. ULtimately, God is enough, even for shepherds.
The rewards to shepherding are great but isolation and loneliness do come into play from time to time. Moving to South Carolina has been a great adjustment to me. I think of our first month or so and the adjustments we experienced. Even Mordecei struggled. He (and I) were use to having people in and out of the house. We were use to taking walks and stopping and talking to people. Our 'normal' went out the window in so many ways. Many times I found him sitting in the guest room with his head down and it made me cry. His loss of interaction with people and other dogs was great. There were times where I wondered if he would ever adjust or if he would give up and die. I think the reason the Lord sent so many visitors those first few months was because He knew we needed them. I am so grateful for the new friends we made, the new church family He gave us and the old friends who stay in contact. I am really grateful for the internet and today's technology that give us ways to 'be there' on occasions such as Christmas when we physically can't. My last memories of my brother Gene were because Ben did a video on Christmas Eve between those at Mom's and us. I will forever be grateful for that. Being this far from friends and family in Ohio is one of the hardest things to get use to. The loneliness Debbie wrote about is very real from time to time. But praise God the rewards she mentioned come along just when we need them.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for the words of I Peter 5 that give direction on what a shepherd needs to be. Thank You for calling me to not only be a pastor's wife but for the calling upon my life to pastor. I know I am not a typical pastor's wife because of that calling. Thank You for loving on me through the transition of the move to SC. Thank You for old friends and new friends. Thank You for our neighborhood and 'C' that gave me friends outside of the church. Lord, You are so awesome! I pray for all shepherds and their spouses who struggle with isolation and loneliness. I pray for You to put people before them who will love on them unconditionally. Lord, I know some who are going through very difficult situations right now that need their church family to become aware of what they need. Please open up their eyes and hearts to their shepherd and family. It breaks my heart to hear shepherds say they can't tell their church family what is happening. Strengthen relationships between shepherds and their flock. Father, I also pray for Your words, actions, attitude and vision to be upon me as I continue to shepherd. Open up new fields for me and enable me to care better in my current fields. Thank You once again for being My Shepherd. Amen.
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