Yesterday started as a very frustrating day and ended very frustrating. Dealing with doctors, medicines, etc. is just not an easy thing to do. I think of people who are mentally challenged and wonder how they get through situations such as I dealt with yesterday. After making multiple phone calls last week to the doctor's office to get answers I finally went in and sat in the waiting room for forty-five minutes until the nurse would see me so I could get an answer. I left there still with no answer yet knowing I was finally heard instead of just leaving a message that was not returned. As I sat there waiting to get an answer about my medication I was surrounded by people who are dealing with the loss of their memory. The Lord gave me the opportunity to pray about their situation. One family broke my heart. The son and daughter were there with their mother who obviously was suffering in her mind. They were trying to keep her talking but every so often the daughter would say "don't you remember that?!?!?" when showing her a picture. As soon as the words left her mouth I could see the daughter realized what she said. They both were on their phones showing her pictures, asking her to play games, etc. while she mostly just stared into space. It made me stop and think about how the frustration I was feeling was nothing compared to what that dear lady was dealing with. I thought for sure I would quit being crabby over my situation and was for most of the day but then last night in dealing with doctor bills the crabbiness came back. I don't want to be crabby. I don't want to feel like crying over situations like yesterday. I asked the Lord to help me yesterday evening with the way I was feeling but things didn't change. I couldn't understand why He didn't make me feel better. It is not that I worry about these things but it is just I get so frustrated in trying to resolve them. This morning as I read I John 3 the last verse stuck out to me. The Holy Spirit would not live with frustration so why do I? Or does the He? I don't believe He does unless it is He gets frustrated over people like me who allow such things to frustrate them. I am overwhelmed with doctor bills, waiting on Doc's stress test, school, church, etc. Unfortunately I am not overwhelmed in a good way. I just get so tired of dealing with so many things at once. This morning I went to a song Big Daddy Weave sings called "Overwhelmed" and was reminded of the way I need to live my life every day...
God, I run into Your arms
Unashamed because of mercy
I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed by You
Yes! I will be intentional to run to Him so I can be overwhelmed by Him. When the frustration starts, I will stop and focus on Him. I do not believe He desires for me to live miserable. His love cannot flow out of me when I feel crabby. This day will not be another day of feeling ugly but instead will be a day I will stand upon the promise that He is with me.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for the day ahead. I pray for You to be greater than the things that are hard right now. Lord, You know the results of Doc's test, the way the medical bills will be paid, when the medication issue will be resolved, etc. You have gone before me throughout this class and I know You are there as I finish my last two school projects. You know the outcome of the church. You know everything. Therefore I do not have to allow these things to overwhelm me in a negative way. Instead, Father, I am choosing today to allow You to overwhelm me in a positive way. Go before me and be my words, actions, attitude and vision. May people see and hear You instead of me. Thank You for the children and teens You will bring into our home this evening and for the way they will feel Your love. Thank You Jesus for being My Focus. Amen.
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