Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 - "When We Fall Apart"

Last night I realized today is the ninth anniversary of Doc taking his final breath here on earth and walking into the arms of Jesus. Over the last nine months there have been many tears fall. Actually, the tears were many over the sixteen months prior to that day. They began to fall regularly in May 2019 when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Tears are healing. This week when the MS reared it's ugly head with tingling in my head the tears came and soothed my soul. Last week when I had to leave my Momma to come back home the tears came and soothed my soul. This morning as I was out for a morning walk Ryan Stevenson's song "When We Fall Apart" came to my mind. 

It's ok to cry
It's ok to fall apart
You don't have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don't ever fight your tears
'Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart

I am so thankful for this knowledge. I also am thankful for people who encourage me through 'tough' times. My Tuesday night group encouraged me greatly as I told them my struggles with following in Doc's footsteps. Sometimes I wonder what he thinks about what I am doing. Is he proud of what God is doing through me? I hope he is. Most important I want God to be pleased with me. I desire for Him to experience walking in obedience to Him and loving with His love. We all get our hearts broke in life. Sometimes it is through the death of a loved one. Sometimes heartbreak comes through the loss of a relationship or a job. No matter what the reason we must remember God is always with us. He is always there to love us through 'tough' days. Praise His Holy Name! I am so thankful for His love, grace, and mercy. I do not know how people get through life without Him. That is why it is so important for me to share Him with others. No one should go through life without Him. Everyone should have the privilege to lean into His strength. Last night in my grief group Joyce mentioned the way I lean into Him continues to empower my healing process. That is so true. I am where I am today because of God. Do I still have my moments of falling apart? Of course I do. It is hard to come home to an empty house, eat alone, etc. But God provides exactly what I need when I need it to not just get through the 'tough' days but to glorify Him through them. Last night I said in the grief group that Jesus is my Fixer-Upper and I truly meant it. He is there at all time to 'fix' whatever is going on in life. He is there when the tears fall and He is there when the laughter comes. Praise His Holy Name He is always with me.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your love, grace, and mercy! Thank You for Your strength I have to lean into! Thank You for: my credit card being turned in at the post office; Rickey who encourages me through 'tough' days; Marion going to exercise without too much resistance; my time with Cait, Alex, and the kids over a yummy dinner; the day ahead where You will complete the sermon You have for me to present Sunday; and all the opportunities You will provide today for me to love with Your love! Thank You for good news with a family member's testing! I pray for Your continued peace and healing to be experienced by: my Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Little Ivy's family; and many others. I pray for my high school classmate Jack who is recuperating from major surgery yesterday to know You are there with him. Thank You for this song and Scripture You put on my heart as today is nine months since Doc took his last breath on this earth and ran into Your arms! Thank You for continuing to give me what I need every day to walk in Your will! Thank You for Joyce who encourages me greatly with her servant heart! Thank You for being My Season Designer! Amen.