II Timothy 1:7 - "Lift Me Up"

I woke up this morning with these words going through my mind...

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me 
So I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me 
So I'm letting go

I thought about this song and wondered about what the Lord was telling me. Have I not 'let go' of everything in my life? What am I holding onto? Is it Doc's diagnosis? Am I not trusting Him with it? I think I am but maybe I'm not. I know it's in the Lord's hands. He knows the outcome. I also know I feel it in my spirit that he will be healed on this earth and not in death. I struggle with 'getting things in order' because I feel like that is showing I do not believe God will heal him. I do not like to talk about the 'what ifs' because I do not want to give the enemy any open door. I try to speak life in all situations. God does not cause confusion. The enemy does. Therefore, I will pray for clarity throughout these tough days. I prayed for clarity with my Final Exam and there was some but not what I would have liked. But it is over and for that I am thankful. Yesterday when I made my final post I felt such freedom. I know the only way I got through these last few weeks was through God's strength. It has only been nineteen days since we received the call about the mass on his pancreas. That is not a long time yet these days seem so long. Yesterday was a very long day with such pain. I don't know if it was because he was up so long with Sunday School, church, and lunch or what but I do know it is hard to watch him in horrendous pain like that. I feel so helpless. As I look to the week ahead, it will be a long one with appointments. Wednesday in Charleston, Thursday in Beaufort, and then Friday back to oncologist to go over all the test results. I know it will only be through God's strength that we stay able to focus on Him.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for all the ways You encourage us. Thank You for all who are praying for us. It was such a blessing to hear of many churches who prayed specifically for us yesterday; Carl who stood in Doc's place for prayer in Ohio; and my classmate who called last night from California. God You are so good at providing exactly what we need, when we need it. Thank You for my class being done. Thank You for Doc being able to preach yesterday. Thank You for cleansing us today so You can fill us with more of Your love. Thank You for having us leave early yesterday. If we would not have, we would not have been able to help the lady whose truck was broke down at the post office. I pray for her husband who was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. I pray she felt Your love through us as we prayed and hugged her. Lord, that is what we want to do today. We want people to see/hear You through our words, actions, and attitude. I don't know if we will leave our house today but I pray even if it is through the internet You will shine through us. I do pray Doc feels up to getting out today but if not, Lord bless us as we do whatever You desire. Thank You Jesus for being Our Strength! Amen.