I don't understand...I don't know 'why'...I don't have any answers as to why God would bring us so far from family, not complete getting the congregation into a church building, etc. only to hear the words we heard yesterday. "Stage 3/4 Pancreatic Cancer...biopsy...port... chemo...wrapped around an artery no inoperable..." As I drove us home, throughout the night, and again this morning the words to "Confidence" were going through my mind...
So give me faith like Daniel in the lion's den
Give me hope like Moses in the wilderness
Give me a heart like David, Lord be my defense
So I can face my giants with confidence
This is the biggest giant we have ever faced. I think of all the giants my Momma and Daddy faced and how they got through them but I don't know if I have it in me. I know I have to. I know I must be a fighter but I just don't know.
I want to have "faith like Daniel"...
I want to have "hope like Moses"...
I want to "a heart like David"...
I want have "confidence"...
Now I just need to find God's supernatural strength to do it. I will not quit praying for a miracle. I will believe God will not take my best friend away from me this soon in life. I will do as he has asked to get things in order but I will not give up praying. None of us know when our last day on earth will be. As long as we are on this earth, we need to be sharing His love with all we meet. We cannot allow C to be a distraction for what He has called us to do and who He has called us to be. We must stay focused on Christ and not on C. We must allow people to love on us with His love. We must allow His wisdom to be ours as decisions are made. We must not allow the enemy an open door. We must allow God to be in control more so than ever. We must remember that He did not give us a spirit to be afraid...instead He empowers us to love and walk in His will.
It's ok to question Him about situations such as life. It is even ok to be angry for them but we must never sin in our anger. I don't feel anger but I sure feel sad. I am numb. I am in shock. I have so many questions including 'why' that I may or may not receive the answers for. I will say it much easier to minister to someone going through such situations than to be going through it ourselves.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for the way You have been with us and will continue to be with us through this ordeal. Just as Doc prayed last night, we rebuke it. We believe You can and will heal. Until that time comes, we pray for Your wisdom. There are so many things going through our minds. Lord, give clarity as we make decisions and as doctors make decisions. Cleanse us so You can fill us so we can continue to do and be what You desire. Father, my heart hurts. I don't think I could possibly have any more tears. I need to be strong but the only way that will happen is to lean into You more. Sorry if I knock you over...LOL! Lord, please, please, please keep my M.S. at check. The stress of this situation could easily put me into an exacerbation but I'm begging You to not allow that. Father, thank You for giving Billie and Scott wisdom in the decision with her health. May You continue to bless them and their family. Lord, today is a new day but we have this 'cloud' hanging over us. Would You put people in our path who will bring Your love to us? Would You give us special times together where we could have some 'normalcy'? Lord, help us... Oh Lord, this hurts so bad. Enable me to praise You...empower me to be strong...embrace us with Your love. I pray You will give me wisdom and clarity as I try to study to take my Final Exam. Thank You Jesus for being Our Hope! Amen.
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