When you have a disease, life is different. Some diseases cause great pain. Most cause great distress to you and your family. I was reminded of how MS effects me last night at the Beaufort Human Library meeting. Living with an unseen disease is the topic of my 'book.' I am excited to share my story and make people aware of unseen diseases. I chuckled on the way home about how both Doc and my Rickey encouraged me to write a book. I may not be 'writing' a book but I am going to share my story in a different way through this project. There are definitely times when people can see my disease. I have been in bed; had to use the wheelchair, walker/rolator, or cane; lost my eye site; and struggled with walking and talking. It is those times people realize I have a disease. 'Normally' I do not look like I deal with such an ugly part of life. People can't always see how I struggle thinking or articulating what I am thinking. They do not see the tingling in various parts of my body. But most of all I pray they will always see God being glorified through me. I pray people see joy in the midst of dealing with a disease. I love the words to Matthew West's song "What If"....
What if today's the only day I got?
I don't wanna waste it if it's my last shot
No regrets in the end
I wanna know I got no what ifs
I'm running till the road runs out
I'm lighting it up right here right now
No regrets in the end
I wanna know I got no what ifs, yeah
This! I am thankful for MS. It has showed me what I need to do in life to not just get through whatever happens but to push through with God's strength. I woke up many times without full function in various parts of my body. It is a horrible feeling but when God is with me it is OK. As I allow Him to be Who He desires to be in my life I will be who He desires me to be. I do not have to fear the future. Instead I can bask in the knowledge He is always with me. He will go before me and give me His wisdom for any decisions ahead. I had a conversation last night about how with being a widow I sometimes think about what will happen when the next exasperation occurs. How will I care for myself? How will I get to appointments? I cannot dwell on such questions but must trust God to take care of everything. In the beginning of my MS diagnosis God gave me Philippians 4:13 to hold onto. I remember thinking it was for physical strength but soon realized it was for physical, mental, emotional, financial, and most of all spiritual strength. Woo hoo! I praise Him for always providing exactly what I need.
Dear Jesus, Thank You for being with me yesterday as Marion was so challenging! Thank You for the Beaufort Human Library meeting where I met new friends! Thank You for dinner with Andy! I continue to pray for reconciliation in his life. Cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. I pray for people to see/hear You through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. Lord, give Your peace to many going through 'tough' days. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Pastor Sam; Mary Lilley; Preacher Bill Watts; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; Carolynn's family; Brooklyn; Kristen Batten; Timmy; Pastor Todd's family; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Patty's daughter Tracy; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; Debbie's husband Kelly; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Betty's friend in New York'; my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma; and my friend going through tests. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor, the Long Family, Baby Henry, Christina and her family, and Karl Stein. I pray for all our military and their families to lean into Your strength. Thank You Lord for being with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself in these days without my Rickey with us. Last night as I thought about the way MS has effected my life I thought about how caring Rickey was when I had issues. Thank You for bringing him into my life for the short time I had him! Thank You for being My Strength! Amen.
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