Another first in life. The first anniversary of the day Doc had his stroke. Tears fall so easily these days. One year today changed my life forever. The day was as 'normal' as it could be with Doc in his last days on earth until that evening when he had a stroke. I did not think life could become more difficult but it did. I am so grateful for God's love, grace, and mercy over us. Forty-eight hours was a long yet short time from the onset of the stroke until he took his last breath. We prayed for sixteen months for him to be healed. He did everything the doctors wanted to do as he fought the cancer. But in his last forty-eight hours I saw the fight slowly leave. His body was tired of fighting. We both knew his time on earth was drawing closer. The signs were there. We did not want to accept them. We did not want him to leave but it was time. I tried to keep the tears away from him but I couldn't. He held me and we both cried several times. I remember at one point him saying he didn't want to leave and miss seeing our grand babies grow up and have their own children. He wanted them to never forget how much he loved them. He didn't want to leave me and many times asked me to promise to find someone to take care of me. Neither of us had a clue what my life would look like once he took his last breath but we did know he was going to be out of the pain and suffering he had gone through. Praise His Holy Name! Many times since that day I have asked myself if there was anything I could or would have done different. I don't think so. We spent every moment we could making memories. We enjoyed life even on days when he could not get out of bed. We talked and loved. There are things I wish we would have talked about in more depth but God knew what was needed. I am reminded of the song "Scars In Heaven" this morning.
I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away
The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now
I feel like I am falling apart but praise God He is here with me. Tears are soothing. They are healing. I do not have to be ashamed of them but need to embrace them. The knowledge that Doc is no longer suffering from C or the stroke brings a smile to my face. That knowledge is what has brought me through his journey and continues to give me hope.
Dear Jesus, Thank you for the day ahead that I know will need some extra love from You! Thank You for the memories You give me to reflect upon as this week continues! You were so good at providing exactly what Doc and I needed to get through his battle with C and especially in his last forty-eight hours with the stroke. Thank You for all the ways You loved on us then and all the ways You continue to love on me through these days without him! Father, many times he told me he did not want me to be alone after he left. I never thought I would ever find another man nor would I want to but You have provided Rickey into my life and I am so grateful. He is such an encourager to me. I love our conversations about memories of Doc. I'm so thankful they were friends so we have such conversations. Lord, my heart breaks yet rejoices with the knowledge Doc is no longer suffering but has a new body. Cleanse me so I can be the lady You have called me to be so I can also look forward to a new body when I leave this earth. I pray Your peace over many who are going through 'tough' days on this earth. I pray they experience hope in You no matter their circumstances. Thank You for giving me so many opportunities yesterday to love on people! I pray for the Momma with the two little girls and another one ready to come into this world. May she find peace in You in the midst of the storm she is in. I also pray for peace over another Momma who is waiting on test results of her unborn child and a Momma who is struggling with being away from her family so much for her job. My heart breaks for Little Ivy and her family as they deal with the leukemia in her little body. It breaks for those who are not in relationship with You. I pray someone will do or say something to be Your hands and feet to them today. I praise You for the little and big ways You encourage those going through 'tough' days. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Dan; Pete and Delores; Steve; Ofie; Scott; Norma; Sharon Sebolt; a friend with an uncle with cancer; Carrie and Chris; Gay and Doug; some young ladies with anxiety issues; many with COVID; Mike and Donna; my friend Angie who is ministering to a lady who appears to be her last hours; a young man in the hospital for addiction and another young man in rehab for anger issues; Ms Savon and Mr John; and so many more. Thank You for Chrissy's son recuperating so well! Thank You for being My Comforter! Amen.
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