Today is another ‘first’ I never expected to endure. My first day of waking up without my Rickey in my life. I am so sad that he was only in my life for such a short time yet I am rejoicing for all the memories we made. As I reflect back on these last months I am filled with joy with all God blessed us with. The places we went, the talks we had, the laughter that was a part of our lives…all of them are blessings. I question ‘why?’ and all sorts of answers come to my mind. I wonder why God would put him in my life for such a short time only for him to be taken. I am thankful for the joy and laughter he restored in me. I am thankful he drew closer to the Lord over these last few months. I am thankful God gave me this time with him. Plain and simple. I am thankful. But I also am extremely sad. Once again I go to Psalm 16 and am encouraged. I told Rickey when I walked out the room for the last time, ‘This is not goodbye but see you later.’ I am comforted for this knowledge. Verse eleven reads, Because of you, I know the path of life, as I taste the fullness of joy in your presence. At your right side I experience divine pleasures forevermore! Praise His Holy Name! Rickey is no longer struggling for breath but is dancing with Jesus. He was such a joyful person on this earth. I can only imagine the joy he is experiencing in heaven. I picture him with his parents, brother, and all of the others who went before him. I chuckled as I told his kids that I wonder what him and Doc will talk about. None of us know what heaven will be like, whether we will know people from our past, etc. but we do know it is a joyful place. I was reading a ‘story’ yesterday about one take on heaven is God needs workers up there. It was interesting this came before me on the day he was taking my Rickey. He will be a great ‘Barnabas’ as he encouraged all he met. I had texts last night from two men who shared how they missed him already. Neither of them lived in Ohio but both were encouraged by the songs and texts he sent them. Another thing he could work at would be the heavenly band. I’m not sure that bluegrass is the choice of music style in heaven but maybe we will all hear what we desire. The chaplain read Psalm 150 yesterday in his last minutes on earth. I loved how appropriate this scripture was for Rickey.
The Hallelujah Chorus
150 Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Praise God in his holy sanctuary!
Praise him in his stronghold in the sky!
2 Praise him for his mighty miracles!
Praise him for his magnificent greatness!
3 Praise him with trumpets blasting!
Praise him with piano and guitar!
4–5 Praise him with drums[a] and dancing!
Praise him with loud clashing of cymbals!
Praise him upon the high-sounding cymbals!
6 Let everyone everywhere join in the crescendo
of ecstatic praise to Yahweh!
Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! TPT
Even though the tears fall and will continue to fall I can truly say Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! for Rickey’s time on this earth and now his time for eternity with God. My heart is sad and I know the only way I will get through these days is to lean into God more and allow Him to heal my hurts.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for the opportunities You gave me yesterday to love with Your love! Thank You for being with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself during these sad days! May You continue to be exactly what we need. Father, I pray a cleansing in my spirit so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. I need Your strength and wisdom in a mighty way. Father, once again I feel so alone knowing I will never hear my Rickey’s voice again or receive a text. It breaks my heart to know we will not make any more memories but I rejoice in the knowledge he is up there dancing with you. Lord, I need you so badly to stay close to me. Empower me to keep my focus on You. Thank You for the day ahead with friends and family! I pray Your peace over many going through ‘tough’ days. Thank You Jesus for being My Strength! Amen.
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