I was thinking last night about how different life is once again. My Sundays used to start off with sending Rickey a selfie when I was ready to leave for church. He always wanted to 'see me' in my church clothes. He made me feel special and loved. I miss his calls, texts, etc. I miss having someone to tell what is happening in my life. Yesterday as I walked back to my car at the "Wreaths Across America" event I thought about how pre COVID I would be calling him to tell him about the experience. Throughout the day when Christmas songs by the Carpenters and Elvis came on the radio I thought about how I used to snap a picture of the song info and send to him. Everywhere I go and everything I do has reminders of happier times. This picture was taken one Sunday after church when we went out to lunch with Cait, Alex, and the kids and then to the waterfront. I am so thankful for all the memories that were made in such a short time. I am thankful for all of the people in my life he got to meet. Yesterday when Ms Martha called me I fell to pieces. I was so thankful for her call and the words she spoke over me. I loved hearing how she saw how he 'put a spark back in my life and a spring in my step.' My friend Sharon who was also a neighbor of Rickey's said he told them a was his 'hero.' I love hearing things like this. I remember after Doc passed Pastor Sam telling me Doc told him it was my faith that kept him going. Words that people say to us about others need shared in times like this. People need told and/or reminded of what their loved ones said. It is all part of the healing process. I was so blessed yesterday as I participated in "Wreaths Across America" and then spent time with Marion. I wanted to go out to eat for Jimmy's birthday too but just couldn't do it. I needed to go home. It is my 'safe place' where the tears can fall. I remember Thanksgiving 2020 when all I wanted to do was be home where I could think of the memories Doc and I made. I was thankful for the couple hours I had to do that. Fast forward to today and once again my home is my 'safe place' where I feel the love of both Doc and Rickey. I look around and see pictures of both of them and am blessed. I have memories to reflect upon with both of them. Once again I find myself in a place that I would never have chosen yet God has a plan. I do not know what His plan is and that's OK. I do know He started 2021 off by giving me the word 'expectation' and I have expected throughout the year. I never expected to find another man to love me yet I did. I never expected to lose him so quickly yet I did. I never expected to be where I am in my spiritual walk yet here I am. I have not quit expecting great things from God. I am learning to trust Him more and to wait for His time to make all things perfect. The words to the song "In His Time" come to my mind this morning...
In His Time
In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful, in His time,
Lord, please show me everyday,
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say, in Your time.
Dear Jesus, Thank You for the opportunities You put before me yesterday to love with Your love! I feel like I am falling short right now as I am hurting so deeply yet You still use me. Thank You for the conversation I had with a friend in Ohio with COVID where I asked if they were right with You! Thank You for today's technology that allows such conversations! I pray healing over him and all who are dealing with COVID. I pray for strength for those who survive and peace for the families of those who pass. I continue to pray for Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself as we find our new normal without Rickey here with us. Father, the hurt is deep yet I know Your love is deeper. May You continue to walk with us in the healing process. Thank You for my time with Darrell and Betty at the "Wreaths Across America" event and my time with Marion yesterday afternoon. You are so good to fill my emotional tank. Thank You for Rachael getting home from her trip! I pray blessings upon her today with her birthday. Thank You for being with all who are going through 'tough' days for a variety of reasons! My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Carrie; Little Jensen who needs a heart; many with COVID; Sharon Sebolt; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c'...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousin; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; and Little Ivy. Lord, be with Little Richie and his family as he is having issues. I pray Your strong presence for: Steve Curless with his surgery Monday; Jennifer's coworker whose mother appears to be in her last days on this earth; Billie with her foot injury; a family in turmoil with the Momma possibly going to a nursing home; and Rhonda with her situation. Thank You for Sheila Crosland feeling better after her visit to the ER! Thank You for all the ways You love on us and take care of us! Thank You for the hugs I received from the Carrington's, Darrell, and Betty yesterday! Lord, I started praying last night for pastors and continue this morning. May Your presence be felt by all no matter what their circumstances. Thank You for being My Maker of Beautiful! Amen.
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