Yesterday started off with ugly tears. I thought I was going home only to find out my flight was for today. I prayed for God to give me peace and asked for His wisdom on what to do. My first thought was to try to change the reservation but then realized God had a plan for the day. It was not what I had planned but I was sure it would be something better. Blessings abounded throughout the day. I was able to get three more dozen cookies made for my Momma along with covering raisins and pretzels. It was sunshiny so I took her out for a drive to put flowers on Daddy's grave, pick up apples at the bulk store, and her favorite jelly at the Smucker store. It was bittersweet as memories made with Rickey were everywhere I turned. Thrift stores we loved to shop at, the antique mall we spent one afternoon, and the Smucker store I took him to for his first time brought memories I will always treasure. Last August one evening when we walked we went to the park. This picture was taken when we sat down to talk. I shared about the day Doc and I got married in the gazebo there after the effects of Hurricane Hugo going through. We talked about next year for my family picnic renting out the gazebo and having music. He wanted to have his bluegrass group along with Michael and Matthew's band perform. We had so many hopes and dreams for the future. I'm struggling with the 'why?' those won't happen. I'm struggling with going to bed each night and waking each morning without hearing his voice. I'm struggling with the reality I will never receive a GIF text telling me how much he loves me. Plain and simple. I'm struggling. My dear friend Edie reminded me yesterday God is with me. He knows what I need even when friends and family are at a loss for words to comfort. She reminded me of a song Francesca Battistelli sings called "Behold Him."
Born to seek and born to save
Born to take our pain away
God with us, Emmanuel
In His arms, all will be well
In your silent night
When you're not alright
Lift your eyes and behold Him
Feel the thrill of hope
You are not alone
In this moment behold Him
"Born to take our pain away..." Wow, God! Even when the pain seems unbearable I can feel Him with me. He blesses me so much! Last night was a perfect example of Him giving me what I need. Making a porch drop-off of prescriptions, OJ, goodies, etc. for a sick widow with no family close was the perfect way to end the day. The day did not start off as I planned but it was good. Praise His Holy Name! God took me to Jeremiah 29:11-13 this morning to remind me the promises He gave through Jeremiah in 598BC are promises for me today. He knows what is ahead. He desires me to live in peace with hope in Him. It was no surprise to Him my Rickey left this earth. All I need to do is lean into Him for His strength and wisdom. As I do I will receive His peace and joy. It hurts to remember yet I am blessed to have the memories. In the VOICE translation Jeremiah 29:14 reads, Yes, I will be found by you,” says the Eternal, “and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations where you’ve been scattered—all the places where I have driven you. I will bring you back to the land that is your rightful home.” As I read this verse this morning I was blessed in knowing my Rickey is in his rightful home. This earth is not our home for eternity. It is only where God has us for a season. No one knows how long of a season that will be. I do know I need to do my best on being intentional in loving with His love while here. The more intentionally I live for Him walking the road of obedience the more I will be successful in living as He desires. Verses twelve and thirteen read in the Tree of Life version, “Then you will call on Me, and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you will search for Me with all your heart." The key to life is to stay in constant communion with Him. I must be intentional in not allowing the enemy a foothold through my grief. The beginning of this song speaks of Christmas not being the same this year. Rickey and I were so excited to celebrate our first Christmas together. He always said if we were rich we would be Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus. When I put up my tree, along with the memories from the past I had Santa Claus ornament made with our names on it. He only saw it via a picture which is sad but I cannot allow the sadness to overtake the joyful times we shared. As I put up the ornament of Doc and I of a picture taken when we were in Jerusalem the joy overtook the sadness. Some day I will be able to say the same about my Rickey.
Dear Jesus, Thank You for the 'mess-up' of yesterday with having another day here! I know You used the trip down memory lane to help in the healing process. Thank You for the sunshine that allowed me to take my Momma for a drive! Thank You for the many tears that fell that are also part of the healing process! Lord, I pray Your peace and joy over Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself as we continue this journey without Rickey. May we all realize Your strength. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May You be seen/heard in my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. I pray for Cyndi who is recuperating from having surgery yesterday and Wanda who is sick. May both of these ladies know You are there for them. I pray the same for many others who are going through 'tough' days. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Carrie; Little Jensen who needs a heart; many with COVID; Sharon Sebolt; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c'...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousin; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; and Little Ivy. Lord, be with Little Richie and his family as he is having issues. I pray Your strong presence in Tammie as she awaits the lumpectomy Friday. I remember so well that waiting time to get the cancer out. Lord, once again I ask for You to be glorified in all I do and say today. Thank You for being My Hope! Amen.
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