When I woke up at 3:30 I didn't ask the Lord who I was to pray for but instead starting thinking of the week ahead. If someone would have asked me a year ago my plans for Thanksgiving, I probably would have responded with plans to go to Paul and Lizzy's as we have for the last couple of years. If someone would have asked me a month ago my plans for Thanksgiving, I probably would have responded we were going to Ohio. Now instead I will be recuperating from the lymph node biopsy and we will have our 'first' Thanksgiving in our new home. I started to cry as I thought about it but then the Lord clearly told me, "I didn't wake you to wallow, I woke you to pray." Ouch! After apologizing for my selfishness I asked who He wanted me to pray for and He replied, "Betty's precious family." Alrighty then! I got onto the task of praying for them, naming those I know one by one. My heart breaks for them in the sadness they will feel today. I also hope they can get to the point in their spirit of being peaceful in knowing she is with her Heavenly Father for eternity. I prayed for them to desire the same.
When I woke up this morning, it was no surprise to receive a message from a dear friend who is going through some tough stuff in her family. At the end of her prayer update she wrote, "There is more going on in my life and many things to be thankful for right now. Things could have easily gone wrong in so many ways on so many fronts - not just with my daughter and the baby. I'm VERY VERY THANKFUL!" What a great reminder that the Lord knew I needed. I need to count my blessings instead of dwelling on the 'use to be' or 'what if's' of life. Nothing is a surprise to God. He knew about this C before now. I truly believe that is why we are in Beaufort where the technology is so great. He knew we wouldn't be going to Ohio for Thanksgiving. I'm thinking He wanted us to have a 'first' here. I don't know why but I do know I need to allow Him to enable me to make new memories. He also knows the outcome of the lymph node biopsy and the genetic testing. For that I am grateful. He knows the desire of my heart to have no chemo or radiation. The doctors have said at this time chemo is not in my future but radiation will be for six weeks if the lymph nodes and genetic testing come back negative. If the genetic testing comes back that I am BRCA gene mutation then they suggest I have a double mastectomy. Oh my goodness, it just hit me. If radiation is not a part of the treatment plan after a double mastectomy, then as I pray for no radiation I am basically praying for a double mastectomy. I think I may need to change the desires of my heart to be a cancer free in whatever way the Lord chooses. My way would be to have these next two tests negative and do the six weeks radiation. As I write these words, I am once again reminded the Lord's way is best. He is with me no matter what lies ahead. His strength is my strength. I also am reminded of James 1:2-3 that He gave me this week to give a friend going through a situation where she felt out-of-control. Yep, we do not need to be in control but instead need to allow Him all control.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for the day ahead. Thank You for the words of encouragement You continue to give me through reading Your word and others. Father, may Your spirit of peace come down upon Betty's family today as they go through the funeral. Oh how I wish I were there with them but that was not Your plan. Lord, I have had a lot of different thoughts going through my head this morning but most of all I am blessed in knowing You are in control of all of my life. As I go throughout this day please fill me to overflowing so I can be a blessing to others. Keep my focus on You so I am not distracted by anything. Thank You Jesus for being My Blesser. Amen.
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