One week can make so much difference in a life. It is still hard to comprehend that C is now a part of my medical being. I am thankful it appears to have all been taken out but it is messing with my emotions to have words such as chemo, radiation and pet scan possibly in my future. I have encouraged people over and over again to stay strong in their faith when going through such times. I feel like my faith is very strong. It is so hard to explain but I just feel like I am not myself. I don't like the way I feel. I pray for the Lord to take these feelings away but it hasn't been His time for that yet. As I think about it, maybe He just wants me to realize things deeper. I don't know but I sure wish I could go to bed, cover up my head and wake up and find out this was a bad dream. Of course, that is not going to happen. I guess I need to do as my sister Linda told me awhile back...put on your big girl panties and face it. But how does one face C? How does one not cry at the drop of the hat when dealing with C? Does it mean my faith is weak because of the way I am feeling? The words to "Just Be Held" come to my mind as the tears flow...
So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
That is exactly the only thing I feel like I can do right now..."just be held" by my Heavenly Father. I cannot begin to fathom how "Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place" applies to my situation but I am trusting Him to show me open doors for Him to be glorified through this time. I am grateful for His encouragement through people's cards, texts and messages. I also am grateful for people understanding I just can't talk about it right now. In His time....in His time....this will be over and I will look back and be grateful. At this point, I just am struggling.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for the reminder that You ae with me at all times. Thank You for the strength to walk in the Veteran's Day parade this morning! It was as if I forgot about C for that short time. Lord, whatever lies ahead, I know You are going before me and for that I am grateful. I also know You will get me through these tough days. Father, would You please overtake my emotions and stop the tears? Would You please make me feel the empowerment of Your love? Thank You Jesus for being The One To Hold Me. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment