Yesterday was overwhelming. My emotions were all over the place which caused some physical issues. Most of the things that happened were 'good' things yet they still caused emotions. The orthopedic surgeon released me and I only have two weeks left of therapy. He reassured me activity was not what caused my disk issue but was caused by my degenerative disc disease. He also said there is a ten percent chance of it happening again. In between that appointment and my PT I worked on putting Christmas gifts together and the tears fell as I thought about my Momma. While I was at PT I received a call that I am approved for 2024 for my MS medicine ($50,000/year) to be covered by a grant. Once again the tears fell. After getting home I received a phone call from MUSC that my hysterectomy will be December 15. That news was bittersweet. I had been praying for it to be earlier than the original January 2 date yet I knew if it was we would not make a trip to Ohio for Christmas. God reminded me Christmas can be celebrated any day of the year. When I was going through radiation for the breast cancer and Doc was going through chemo for the pancreatic cancer, our 'Christmas Ohio trips' happened in February. I am physically exhausted today and I know it is because of how emotional I was yesterday. Today the emotions continue to run high. Starting out with a bad bloody nose made me emotional. Thinking about my first born, Paul, turning forty-three today made me emotional. I miss him so much and pray he has a great day to celebrate. He is such a great provider for Lizzy and Miss Bella. I am proud of the faith he shares in his workplace and everywhere he goes. I also am proud of his relationship with God and pray it continues to go deeper. Another thing this morning that brought tears is Marcia at Orrville Public Library responded to an email I sent yesterday. It included the page of my Momma in the Courier Crescent for the Cook's Nook. Oh my, what a blessing! The Lord reminded me of Paul's words to the Philippians in chapter four, verses six and seven. We do not have to worry about anything but instead need to lean into Him. He knows my emotions are running high. He knows that causes me to have shakies and have to take extra pills. He knew I needed Doug in my life and provided. He knows all which provides peace in my spirit even when I fall apart emotionally. I am reminded of a song Ryan Stevenson sings called "When We Fall Apart" and know it is ok to allow the tears to fall. Sometimes they fall for 'bad' things while other times they fall for 'good' things. Sometime we may not understand where a blessing is in a situation but when we trust God we will eventually see it.
It's ok to cry
It's ok to fall apart
You don't have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don't ever fight your tears
'Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart
Dear Jesus, Thank You for the reminders found in Philippians 4:6-7 and the song "When We Fall Apart"! Thank You for the blessings of yesterday and the ones ahead today! Thank You for Doug being with me on this journey! Cleanse me so You can fill me so people will see/hear You through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. I pray Your peace over many going through difficult days. My sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Doug's sister Jackie; Cait; Rhonda; Mike; Norma Hall; Jack and Paula; Beth; Sharon Sebolt and her parents; some young ladies with anxiety; Brooklyn; April; families in turmoil; Gay and Doug; Sherry; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many dealing with ‘c’ and/or going through treatments…Chrissy’s cousin; Mike's sister; Shirley Jones; Little Judson; Little Roselynn; a young girl in our community; Audrey; Mr Mullet; Marybeth's friend; David; Dave and Carol with his treatments; Dan; and Ray. I pray for: the Long family; Becky; Baby Sabre and her family; Debbie and her family; Mr. John; Darrell; Mallory and Baby Zion; and Russ. Thank You for continued healing for Pastor Tommy and Pam! Thank You for being My Joy! Amen.
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