Anger...sadness...discouraged...anxious. These emotions are all ones I dealt with yesterday. I also was thankful for the diagnosis of a herniated disc by the orthopedic doctor. That diagnosis was better than a fracture in my back. It also gives us a plan of action with starting PT today. As I continue to wait for the gynecologist diagnosis I am striving to not allow fear to come upon me. It is hard in my humanness to not think of the 'what ifs' of life. As a believer I need to stand strong in my faith and trust God with whatever is ahead. Once again in my humanness hearing the possibility of 'c' again in my life is scary. The words of II Timothy 1:7 continue to go through my mind but I need to live them out more. Going on a walk last night to see the sunset with Doug brought about many emotions and 'what ifs?' What if my days are numbered? What if God brought Doug into my life just for this purpose and then I'm gone? What if... These type of questions can drive a person crazy. They also can take the focus off of God and onto self which is not what is needed. I'm a mess emotionally with all going on. I'm a mess physically with the pain in my body. Doug says we will be ok financially but of course I have concerns as the doctor bills come in. I'm a mess mentally as I try to think and function 'normally' yet struggling with clarity in my thinking. God's words 'rest in me' a couple weeks ago are heavy on my mind. I am determined to rest in Him and allow Him to be my Anchor in this storm. The words to "IntoThe Sea" are on my mind this morning. This is a song my son Paul shared with me right after Doc left this earth. Life will be OK one way or another. It will be OK if I have surgery and there is no 'c' and it will be OK if there is 'c'! As Doug put it, it will be OK if I'm left on this earth or if I go sooner to heaven than expected. God's got this. He knows what is ahead. He knows all. Praise His Holy Name! I just need to stay focused on Him and what He desires of me in the process.
Though the mountains may be moved into the sea
Though the ground beneath might crumble and give way
I can hear my Father singing over me
"It's gonna be OK, it's gonna be OK"
Dear Jesus, Thank You for the diagnosis of the herniated disc and the plan to start PT today! Thank You for Doug being here with me and allowing my breakdown of tears to be OK! Thank You for the day ahead and for the way You will be glorified through it. Cleanse me so You can fill me so people will see/hear You through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. I pray for not only myself but for all going through difficult days to focus on You. My sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Doug's sister Jackie; Cait; Rhonda; Mike; Norma Hall; Jack and Paula; Beth; Sharon Sebolt and her parents; some young ladies with anxiety; Brooklyn; April; families in turmoil; Gay and Doug; Sherry; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many dealing with ‘c’ and/or going through treatments…Chrissy’s cousin; Mike's sister; Shirley Jones; Little Judson; Little Roselynn; a young girl in our community; Audrey; Mr Mullet; Marybeth's friend; David; Dave and Carol with his treatments; Dan; and Ray. I pray for: the Long family; Becky; Baby Sabre and her family; Debbie and her family; Mr. John; and Russ. Thank You for continued healing for Pastor Tommy and Pam! Thank You for being My Anchor! Amen.
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