Every time I was awake during the night and again this morning the words to a song Zach Williams sings called "Heaven Help Me" were going through my mind.
When I don't understand
When I don't I think I can
I know You have a plan
Heaven help me
Heaven help me
Help me, help me
'Cause I can't walk this road alone
And I can't do this on my own
Tell me, tell me
I just need to hear You say
That everything will be okay
This morning God took me to Psalm 13. David complained to God for not taking away his pain. As I read this Psalm I see David as in a state of depression. He feels like God is not doing for him what he needs. Verse three in The Passion Translation reads, Take a good look at me, Yahweh, my God, and answer me! Breathe your life into my spirit. Bring light to my eyes in this pitch-black darkness or I will sleep the sleep of death. There is such despair in his words. David acknowledges he is going to die if God does not rescue him from the 'junk' of life. This song and Scripture remind me of people who are so distraught over their present circumstances they are ready to give up. I was praying for one this week who appears to be in this state of mind. It saddens me how the enemy can not only get our focus offnGod but also put thoughts into our minds about how God does not love us, care about us, etc. No matter what we are going through in life we must realize God never leaves us. He is always there for us even when it seems like He has left us. Life is full of mountains and valleys. It is through both the mountains and the valleys our faith will grow. I am thankful for each time God stretched my faith. I may not appear to be joyful throughout the times of stretching but deep down I have His joy in my heart. I have His strength to get me through 'tough' days. Yesterday was a 'good' day with meeting with the ladies and then going downtown with Cait. After returning home and finishing up things for today the afternoon and evening drug on. I looked back through texts my Rickey had sent me and thought about how my Saturdays used to be with talking to him several times throughout the day. Even though we were seven hundred miles apart he encouraged me greatly. I miss that encouragement. I miss hearing his voice and receiving texts throughout the day from him. I miss so him so fiercely but I know God is with me. I like the words in the footnote of The Passion Translation.
This is the psalm that describes the journey from self to God, from despair to delight, from feeling abandoned to feeling affirmed. It begins with pain and ends with praise. Moaning gives way to music. We each can take comfort in what David experienced.
I have been down this road before and know God is with me and has a plan for my life. I know this but I also am still hurting. I am thankful for friends who love on me so greatly. Most of all I am thankful for a God who loves me through the journey of grief.
Dear Jesus, Thank You for the opportunity to pray for pastors during the night and again this morning! Thank You for being with each one of us who will be in the pulpit today! May we all preach what You desire of us. May we all feel Your empowerment no matter what we are going through in life. Father, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May I shine brightly for You today. Lord, I pray for those who are going through 'tough' days to have Your love showered over them. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousin; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; and Little Ivy. Father, I also pray for a friend who is undergoing testing for possible mesothelioma. Lord, be so real to her in these days. My heart breaks with so many dealing with COVID in themselves and/or family members. Thank You for being with the surgeons for Coley's mother, Kaye, Wanda, FaDana, and Shirley this week! Thank You for continuing to be exactly what Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself need on this grief journey! May we lean into Your strength as we seek healing. Thank You for being My Helper! Amen.
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