Dear Jesus,
I try so hard to not allow the enemy to steal my joy. The desire of my heart is for You to be flowing from me. Why is it that at times I fall in that area? Why do I allow circumstances to overtake me? I'm sorry. Lord, I am trusting in You and I want Your will for this day. I pray Your will is that answers will come. Lord, it is like I told someone last night, it is not whatever happens in the end that gets to me. It is all of the junk in the middle. Father, I need Your peace to come over me in a mighty way. I know You will take care of us no matter what. I also know you will use us no matter what. Lord, I am praying today for doors that need opened to be opened and doors that need shut to be shut. Lord, yesterday as I was getting more and more frustrated You kept bringing the words to a song Kari Jobe's sings called "Healer" to my mind...
You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, I trust in You
Yes, Lord...I know You are not only with me on this journey with the MS exacerbation and the loss of disability and insurance but most importantly I must trust in You for the outcome. You already know the outcome. There are no surprises for You. Father, I am grateful for this knowledge. I also am grateful for the way You continue to encourage me. It is not that my faith or trust are faltering. I am just struggling in my humanness of being tired of dealing with all the junk that goes along with this process. The things I have no control over are getting to me. The people who get irritated with me on the other end of the phone line are getting to me. Father, I need You to come down upon me in a mighty way. I need more of You and less of me in order to be strong. I am falling apart and I don't want to. Lord, just as You have pointed out to me over and over again...this is Your battle. Thank You for the reminder of Deuteronomy 31:8 this morning...
Thank You for going before me each and every day but especially today. Lord, You know the desires of my heart. You know how I want answers to come in the mail today. But Father only if that is Your will. If they are not there, direct my path on how to proceed with this day. I actually think if they are there it will be a miracle. I have waited and waited for answers. Lord, may today be the day for them. Thank You Jesus for being The One I Trust In. Amen.
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