One week. How has it already been one week since my honey left this earth? How have I survived this week? How will I survive the rest of my life without him by my side? What will my life look life? There sure are a lot of questions in my mind. I praise God I do not have to have the answers to all the questions going through my mind. I praise Him for all the ways He is healing the hurts of my heart. Yesterday as I walked at the waterfront He cleansed my spirit with tears. As I thought about how there will never be new memories made with my sweetie the tears fell. We loved going to the waterfront to swing. We had some great talks there. Last September for our anniversary we sat outside at Saltus for dinner. We talked about how life was changing and I would soon be doing life without him. He told me that would happen before our next anniversary rolled around. I continued to pray for a miraculous healing on this earth for him. A couple weeks ago I started praying for his healing to happen in heaven so he would be out of the suffering he was going through. I'm so thankful we could talk about him leaving. I'm also thankful I know he is no longer suffering and I will see him again. But even with that knowledge my heart is breaking. I miss him so much. I feel like a part of me is missing. We spent most of our time together and it just seems weird to no longer have him doing life with me. It feels weird to not have bedtime prayers with him or to wake up beside him. We talked about a lot of things before he passed but I sure wish there would have been more decisions made that were put off. I must continue to stand upon II Timothy 1:7 so the decisions I make are the right ones. I can and will continue to live in His love and empowerment so the decisions made will be God driven. I can and will continue to allow God to direct my steps and give me His wisdom. I think of Proverbs 3:5-6 this morning...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.
Yes! I will trust Him! I will stay focused on Him! I will allow Him to love me so I can love others! I will be ready to share that love so others will have the desire in their heart to allow Him to be their Lord and Savior. I know that is my purpose for being on this earth. I also know God did not bring me this far to fail. I must not allow anything to take my focus off of Him. He reminded me this morning there are still many who must know Him in order to live for eternity with Him. There are many who if they were to take their last breathe on this earth today would go to hell. He woke me with the words to Jeremy Camp's Dead Man Walking this morning...
I was a dead man walking
Until I was a man walking with You
I was a blind man falling
Until I felt the life You're calling me to
Pulling me out of the darkness
Pulling me out of the lies
Putting the beat in my heart again
I was a dead man walking
Until You loved this dead man walking back to life
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for all the ways You encourage me! Thank You for Your Word, songs, and people that show Your love to me! Thank You for Sandy who took Linda and I out to dinner and for the time I had to walk at the waterfront! Thank You for Chris who mowed the yard yesterday! Thank You for another day of life! Father, You already know the hurts of my heart without Doc being here but I ask that You give me an extra dose of You today. I pray for a cleansing in my spirit so You can fill me to overflowing with Your love. I pray for people to see/hear You instead of me today. Lord, continue to be with Billy Fields and his family as they grieve; David Laurila and his family as he adjusts to the journey he is on; Craig Rench and his family as they continue on their journey; and so many others who need to feel Your touch. I pray for physical, mental, emotional, financial, and most of all spiritual needs to be met. May You be greater than our hurts. Thank You for being My Answer! Amen.
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