As I look at this picture I am joyful and at the same time my heart hurts. I am joyful because my honey is no longer battling cancer. He is no longer having to have chemo tear him apart or taking a ton of medications. He is no longer having to be in bed 99% of the time. He is no longer so weak that he has to use a rollator. Those are all things to be joyful over and they are things I must keep in the forefront of my mind as I miss him so greatly. Life is full of funeral planning, visits from friends and family, etc. right now but there will come a day where life will go back to 'normal' and his absence will be felt even more so than ever. I don't know what that will look like but I do know my 'tribe' will be with me. I don't know how I will get through such days but I know God will give me exactly what I need to do so. He reminded me of His words in Matthew 6:33-34 this morning...
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Praise His Holy Name for this reminder. I need to just take life one day at a time. The last few weeks Doc and I said we needed to take life one moment at a time with the way it was changing so fast. It is hard to believe his time on this earth after having a stroke was only forty-eight hours. I am so thankful for that. He would not have wanted to live blind, unable to speak, paralyzed on half his body, etc. I prayed for God to have mercy and He did. He blessed us in abundance with giving me physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength to get through Doc's last days on this earth. He provided financial strength in so many ways. I am depending on Him to continue to provide such strength so I will have His wisdom with decisions that must be made and things that must be done. I am depending upon Him to give me clear direction. I am depending upon Him to put people around me who will love on me with His love. Plain and simple. I am depending upon Him. I know He will provide me exactly what I need to stand in His love and empowerment as II Timothy 1:7 states. Woo hoo!
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for Your love, mercy, and grace! Thank You for loving on me so greatly! Thank You for my 'tribe' that support me! Thank You for the opportunities You provided yesterday and the ones ahead in this day! Thank You for Linda being here and the visits from: Sue and Madalynn; Joe, Val and the kids! I pray my physical and emotional hurts will not take my focus off of You. I pray for a cleansing in my spirit so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. Lord, I also pray for You to be greater than the hurts of my heart. May You be greater than obstacles the enemy tries to put before me. I also pray for my boys, their ladies, and my grand babies that are hurting from our loss with Doc leaving this earth. May they feel Your presence in a mighty way today. May we all feel Your soothing comfort. Thank You Jesus for being My Blessing! Amen.
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