Romans 8; Jeremiah 29:11 - "Another In The Fire"

I had a 'rough' night with little sleep and so much going through my mind. There are so many changes in my life with Doc's death. I had gone through many changes to life during the time of the cancer but now there are even more. I am grateful for God who encourages me as I make decisions. I also am grateful Doc and I talked through many things before he left. Of course there are many things we never thought to talk about that have come up like what all the keys he had are for! I am grateful for the way His presence encourages me. When I begin to feel like I am not sure what to do, He is there. This morning He woke me to the song "Another In The Fire" that Hillsong United sings. Part of it goes...

There is another in the fire
Standing next to me
There is another in the waters
Holding back the seas
And should I ever need reminding
What power set me free
There is a grave that holds no body
And now that power lives in me

And I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between us

Yes! He is with me through this 'fire' with Doc's death. His power is mine as I allow Him to fill me with His Spirit. I will never be alone as long as I stay in right relationship with Him. I will never have to make one decision on my own with Him in charge of my life. My faith has grown so much over the last sixteen months and I know it will continue to blossom as I walk the road of being a widow. I was reading Romans 8 this morning. Verses fifteen through seventeen in The Message read:

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!

When Doc was doing life with me, this is the way we lived. We expected eternal life with our Heavenly Father because we lived for Him on this earth. Doc received that gift and I am going to make sure I continue the same path of obedience to His will so I will receive it too. What's next, Papa? I don't have to know the answer to that question but I do know no matter what is ahead He is with me. Whatever the enemy throws my way He will squash. Woo hoo! I love the encouragement Paul writes in verses twenty-six through twenty-eight.

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

When I feel like I can't go on, He is right there. When I don't know how to pray, He is right there. This knowledge is priceless especially in the days I am experiencing. Four weeks ago this evening when Doc had the stroke was the beginning of the last chapter of life for us together on this earth. I am so thankful that chapter only lasted forty-eight hours. God showered him with his love and mercy. Doc would not have wanted to live in that manner. He did not like living where he was in bed most of the time, fatigued, and unable to do what he wanted to do. I know he especially would not have wanted to live unable to communicate or function. In verses twenty-nine and thirty Paul writes of how God planned our lives to begin in heaven for eternity when our physical bodies left this earth. What an awesome God we have! What an awesome plan for our lives when we allow His plan to be what we follow! My question will continue to be What's next, Papa? so my life will follow His plan as I walk in obedience to Him. Jesus set the example for us when He died on the cross. He listened and followed through what His Heavenly Father put before Him. I desire to do the same. I don't know what is ahead in this day nor the coming days but I know my Heavenly Father has everything under control. I do not have to know what is ahead but I must be ready for what He puts before me.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your love, mercy, and grace! Thank You for the way You encourage me through these days of doing life without Doc! Thank You for the unknowns of life to me not being unknown to You! Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May You shine brightly through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today in a mighty way. May people see/hear You instead of me. I continue to pray for physical healing in many. I pray for strength for: Mr. Fran; Nichole; Sharon's husband Richard; Donna; David Laurila; Martha; Amanda Flores; and so many others. May You be so very real to each one of them today. I pray for emotional, mental, and financial strength to be realized for many people but most of all I pray for spiritual strength to be realized by all. I pray for travel mercies today as I take Marlene Younger​ to the airport. Thank You for her being with me for this time! Thank You Jesus for being My Papa! Amen.

John 13:34-35 - "Love God, Love People"

I woke up this morning with the words to Love God Love People that Danny Gokey sings. It made me think about the sermon God gave me to share last Sunday. Before you can love with Jesus’ love you must know His love.

Gotta keep it real simple, keep it real simple
Bring everything right back to ground zero
'Cause it all comes down to this
Love God and love people (People)
We're living in a world that keeps breakin'
But if we want to find a way to change it
It all comes down to this
Love God and love people

Oh this is freedom (This is freedom)
The keys to the Kingdom (Hey-ey)
Knowing life will be found when love can be loud
'Cause love is what it's all about

Yes! God's love is what it's all about! But we cannot live in His presence without knowing His love. We cannot share His love with others if we do not know His love. Knowing His love is the secret that gives such freedom to live. Knowing His love brings life to a dead spirit. Knowing His love puts a bounce in our step. Plain and simple. Knowing His love is where we all need to live. Our lives will be forever changed when we know His love and live it out intentionally. Other people will be blessed through us as we love on them with His love. Doc lived out God's love in so many ways. He loved on people with God's love because he was in relationship with Him. God's love oozed out of him because he allowed it. He taught me so much about how to love with God's love. He taught me what a life sold-out to God was all about. I am so grateful God gave us almost thirty-one years of marriage for me to see and experience His love through him. I miss him greatly and am trying to adjust to life without him but some times are just harder than others. Right now with Mordecei struggling is one of those times. We had talked about his time of leaving us getting closer. At times I wish it would have ended before Doc's time did but other times I'm thankful I have him with me through these days. I pray God will give me wisdom on when the time is and keep my tribe supporting me through it. I sure do not want something to distract me from loving with God's love but I also know my grieving has to happen. I have to allow the tears to flow when they come as I did yesterday with talking about Doc with Marlene. I have to allow God to give me wisdom in making decisions as I did yesterday with the truck. I am so grateful for His love that flows in and through me. Oh how I must get better at sharing it with others. I know it may not always seem easy to do because there are a lot of people who don't want to accept His love. But I still need to follow His commandment found in John 13:34-35.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, just like I have loved you; that you also love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

I sure do want to be known as one of His disciples who loves with His love. Doc was the perfect example of this type of person. I desire to walk in his footsteps in being a perfect example too.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your love, mercy, and grace! Thank You for the wisdom You gave me yesterday and the wisdom You will continue to provide. Lord, cleanse me so I can walk in obedience to Your voice. I desire to live in Your presence 24/7 so I can love others as You desire. Thank You for answered prayers with Will's brother having successful surgery yesterday! I pray for Your touch upon his life as they await test results. I also continue to pray for Nichole with the post surgery pain she is experiencing. I pray for comfort for Amanda Flores and her family with the loss of her father. Lord, there are so many hurting people in this world and there are so many of us who love with Your love. May You put us together today to strengthen all of us. Lord, thank You for wisdom given yesterday with the truck and thank You for wisdom You are going to give with Mordecei. I am so grateful for the way You continue to give me what I need during this time of grieving Doc. Oh how I miss him being here with me. It is so hard to do life without him but I know You will give me what I need through these days. Thank You Jesus for being My Life! Amen.

Matthew 6:33-34; I John 4:19 - "Remind Me You're Here"

I think one of the things I miss that surprises me the most is having Doc to bounce ideas off of. It is weird to not have him give feedback on my sermons. This is all new but hopefully it will get to become more normal. Making decisions on my own is another tough thing for me. I'm so grateful I'm truly not alone but have God right here with me. I'm praying for some others who need to realize His presence today with what they are going through. Two with health issues, a family with a tough day ahead of them, Mike Hignight's family as they are on a new journey without him, and so many others. I pray for people to realize His empowerment every day but especially on the tough ones. Yesterday's sermon about sharing God's love is one that we all need to practice more. But as I said we can't love with His love until we know His love. Oh how I pray for more people to live in His love. I pray God will use me to love on everyone He puts before me. Our Sunday School lesson taught us about sowing seeds. We never know where the seeds will fall and when the seeds we sow will be cultivated and harvested. I am reminded of the statistic it takes seven times of seeds being sowed before someone asks Jesus into their heart. We may never know the harvesting of seeds but we must continue to plant them. God will use us when we allow Him. He desires for us to love with His love. I love the words of I John 4:19. We love Him, because He first loved us. This shows the necessity of being in relationship with Him. This takes intentional immersion in His Word, praying, fasting, etc. It takes going beyond salvation and dying to self. Living in His presence is where we have His peace and know His will. This is where I desire to live. I desire to be known as His daughter who loves with His love. I desire to show His love through the way I live. I continue to rely upon His wisdom for decisions I make. I am grateful I have Him to rely upon. I continue to seek His comfort for the hurts of my heart. I am grateful I have Him to seek. I continue to draw nearer to Him to take my faith deeper. I am grateful I have Him to take me deeper in my walk. Plain and simple. Even though I no longer have my husband with me on this earth I will continue to love God as He desires. Some days are harder than others. I know there are tough days in the future but I do not have to worry about them. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:33-34 in The Passion Translation:

“So above all, constantly chase after the realm of God’s kingdom and the righteousness that proceeds from him. Then all these less important things will be given to you abundantly. Refuse to worry about tomorrow, but deal with each challenge that comes your way, one day at a time. Tomorrow will take care of itself.”

Woo hoo! We will have His peace when we walk the road of obedience to His will. We will know His love as we allow Him to love us in the way He desires. Oh how I pray for more people to realize His love. I also pray for more people who call themselves Christians to realize they are not truly living for Him if there is no fruit showing from their walk.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your love that is so wonderful! Thank You for the way You love others through me! Thank You for allowing Your love to ooze out of me! Father, cleanse my heart today so You can flow from me in abundance. May people see/hear You in my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. May I be more intentional in walking in Your love. I pray peace over a family today that is dealing with some nasty stuff. I pray Your love is felt in abundance by them. May this tough day take their faith deeper. I also pray for two people who are having health issues due to aging to feel Your strength. May they know You are there for them. I pray You will continue to be close to Mike Hignight's family in this time of adjustment. May they know Your strength is theirs as they allow it. Lord, be with me as I continue to adjust to life without Doc. I miss him greatly but would never wish him back in his suffering. Lord, I pray You will continue to heal my heart, give me Your wisdom with decisions, and keep my tribe supporting me. Thank You for Joshua taking my trash yesterday and helping me last night! Thank You for Chris coming over when I needed help! Thank You again for Marlene who is with me!ch Thank You for all who text or call to check on me! You are such an awesome God! Thank You for being My Strength! Amen.

II Timothy 1:7; Psalm 93 - "Peace Be Still"

I prayed for pastors before going to bed, again the one time I was up, and woke up with them on my heart. The continued theme of my prayers was for all pastors to realize the greatness of our responsibility as pastors to lead our flock in the manner God desires. We must be right with Him before we can lead them this way. Our heart must be pure and blameless before Him. That is why it is so important to seek forgiveness every day for anything that can keep us separated from Him. It is important we love with His love and show people how to live in such a way. We cannot save anyone but we can show them the way to be saved. We cannot do everything people desire of us but we can do everything God desires us to do. We cannot be the person others desire us to be but we can be who God desires of us. This morning He took me to Psalm 93. I read it in different versions and settled into The Passion Translation. It reads:

Look! Yahweh now reigns as King!
He has covered himself with majesty and strength,
wearing them as his splendor-garments.
Regal power surrounds him as he sits securely on his throne.
He’s in charge of it all, the entire world,
and he knows what he’s doing!
2 Lord, you have reigned as King from the very beginning of time.
Eternity is your home.
3–4 Chaos once challenged you.
The raging waves lifted themselves over and over,
high above the ocean’s depths, letting out their mighty roar!
Yet at the sound of your voice they were all stilled by your might.
What a majestic King, filled with power!
5 Nothing could ever change your royal decrees;
they will last forever!
Holiness is the beauty that fills your house;
you are the one who abides forevermore!

Matthew Henry wrote of this Psalm: God's church is His house; it is a holy house, cleansed from sin, and employed in His service. Where there is purity, there shall be peace. Let all carefully look if this kingdom is set up in their hearts. It is our responsibility as pastors to make sure our flock realize the necessity of being right with God. We need to preach boldly so people will realize salvation is not the last step to living for the Lord. We all need to go past salvation to sanctification. We all need to live every day in His presence so we will walk in obedience to His will. As Matthew Henry wrote, when we live a live of purity we will have His peace no matter what our circumstances are in life. Yesterday as I sat at Hunting Island and watched the waves I thought about how great God is as Creator of our world. Life is like the waves. It comes and goes. It cleanses and separates. The shells and rocks brought in with the tide are like people brought into our lives. Some stay for awhile while others stay longer. Some are smooth in their personality while others are jagged and can cause us pain. God desires to use every aspect of life to make us who He desires us to be. I like this quote from Meyer about this Psalm. 

He sits as King, higher than the spray is tossed, deeper than the fathomless depths, mightier than the strongest billow. Let Him but say, ‘Peace, be still!’ and the greatest storm that ever swept the waves with wild fury sinks into the tranquil sleep of childhood.

Praise His Holy Name for peace! I am so grateful for the knowledge God is greater than any wave that comes my way in life. I am grateful He is greater than the storms of life. He knew Doc was going to die on September 4, 2020. He continues to love on me in ways many people do not experience because they are not in relationship with Him. He takes my faith deeper every day because I depend upon Him. Woo hoo!

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your love, mercy, and grace! Thank You for giving me exactly what I need! Thank You for friends like Marlene, Sandy, and Will who I enjoyed being at the beach with yesterday! Laughing and talking is great for the soul! Thank You for Matt's ministry through music that blesses me in abundance! Thank You for people who encourage me through texts, calls, etc. Thank You for Ms Savon's words during the night! Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. I pray for You to be heard through the sermon You gave me for today. I pray for people to see/hear You instead of me. I pray for all pastors to realize the importance of living a godly example in their lives. May we all present You boldly not just in our words but as we live out our lives. Lord, I pray I stay focused on You so I can walk in obedience to Your will. Life is so different without Doc by my side. I feel like a part of me is gone but Lord I pray his loss will not be a distraction for me. Take my faith deeper so I can stay focused on You no matter what the waves bring into my life. Empower me just as Paul wrote in II Timothy 1:7. Thank You Jesus for being My Peace! Amen.

II Timothy 1:7; Psalm 13 - "Keep Me In The Moment"

This morning the Lord took me to Psalm 13 and started laying people on my heart to pray for who seem to enjoy wallowing in pity due to their circumstances. They seem to enjoy complaining about how their life is instead of doing anything to change their circumstances. Pity parties are often with prayer times few. My heart breaks for them but I think if they would wake up and realize God is there to empower them to not live such a life it would be different. He also brought to my mind these words from Jeremy Camp's song Keep Me In The Moment...

Singing, oh Lord keep me in the moment
Help me live with my eyes wide open
'Cause I don't wanna miss what You have for me (What You have for me)
Singing, oh Lord show me what matters
Throw away what I'm chasing after, 'cause I don't wanna miss what You have for me (What You have for me)
Keep me in the moment, oh keep me in the moment
'Cause I don't wanna miss what You have for me (What You have for me)

It takes intentionality in life to live where God desires of us. It takes work on our part to accept how He desires us to live. It may not always be easy nor make sense but it is the best way to live. When we are focused on ourselves, we will miss opportunities He puts before us. When we can only see our own problems, we will be unable to hear what God has for us. The last verses of Psalm 13 are how we need to live.

Take a good look at me, God, my God;
    I want to look life in the eye,
So no enemy can get the best of me
    or laugh when I fall on my face.

I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms—

    I’m celebrating your rescue.

I’m singing at the top of my lungs,

    I’m so full of answered prayers.

We must repent of our sins, ask God to forgive us, and live in His presence if we desire to live as He desires. We must stand upon II Timothy 1:7 in the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to stand up against those who try to tear us down. The enemy does not like when we stand in this empowerment. He wants to see us fall but God wants to see us live for Him. God wants to fill us with answered prayers while the enemy wants to fill us with doubts. As I rested yesterday I thought a lot about life without Doc. I miss him so yet I am grateful he is no longer suffering. I cried yesterday as I thought of things that need done that I need his expertise and wisdom. Then the Lord calmed my spirit with the knowledge that I have His expertise and wisdom. All I have to do is listen to Him. I cannot just throw up requests to Him but need to listen to what He has for me. Praise His Holy Name for this reminder. These last verses of Psalm 13 encourage me greatly on what life can look like. This song encourages me greatly on how to make such a life possible. Woo hoo! God is so good!

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your love, mercy, and grace! Thank You for putting this song and Scripture before me this morning! Lord, cleanse me so You can empower me. May You flow freely from my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today in a new, different way. May You go before me and give me Your wisdom with all decisions to be made. May You encourage those who are struggling with being focused on themselves and their problems to realize You desire to fill them with Your empowerment. Thank You for continuing to be with me during these tough days without Doc by my side! May You continue to give me exactly what I need, exactly when I need it. I desire to make You happy with the way I live. I desire to make You proud of the way I do life. I desire to make Doc proud of me too. Lord, I pray for Nicole who is hospitalized and awaiting surgery to feel Your presence. I also pray for Mike Hignight's family to experience Your strength today for calling hours. Lord, be so real to all of us. Thank You Jesus for being My Focus! Amen.

II Timothy 1:7; Philippians 1 - "Bring The Rain"

Yesterday God encouraged me in so many ways. Seeing friends from Ohio; pictures and hugs from Gavin and Everly; walking on the beach; being told my preaching has blossomed over these last few months; a call from a dear friend checking on me and a text from another friend; talking to Marlene about Doc...the list goes on and on. Another way He encouraged me was by Scripture given to me by my friend Edie. She shared Philippians 1 starting at verse twenty-one from the Amplified Version. It reads...

21 For to me, to live is Christ [He is my source of joy, my reason to live] and to die is gain [for I will be with Him in eternity]. 22 If, however, it is to be life here and I am to go on living, this will mean useful and productive service for me; so I do not know which to choose [if I am given that choice]. 23 But I am hard-pressed between the two. I have the desire to leave [this world] and be with Christ, for that is far, far better; 24 yet to remain in my body is more necessary and essential for your sake. 25 Since I am convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, 26 so that your rejoicing for me may overflow in Christ Jesus through my coming to you again.

"To Live Is Christ" is the title of this section of Scripture. This is explained as God being Paul's source of joy and reason to live. Paul continues that as long as he is on this earth he knew he needed to live for Christ. A key verse she shared for me is verse twenty-five. ...I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith. This confirmed that I am to stay in Beaufort as Doc and I discussed so I can continue to minister where God brought us four plus years ago. I shared with Marlene yesterday that even though I know a lot of things there is still so much unknown. On paper finances make sense yet until everything gets settled there are still little doubts that creep into my mind. I cannot allow the enemy any open door. I cannot allow him to put fear upon me. I am realizing even more than ever the need to stand upon II Timothy 1:7 every moment of the day. God did not bring me this far for me to fail but instead to thrive. Doc is no longer here with me on this earth. He has received the greatest gift of all with going on to be with the Lord. If I want to see him again, I must accept the fact that God needs me to continue what He started through the two of us. ...yet to remain in my body is more necessary and essential for your sake. Wow, God! If I had the choice to leave this earth or continue on, in my humanness I would choose to leave. But Paul's words show me that should not be what I would choose. Paul ends this chapter with these words of encouragement...

29 For you have been granted [the privilege] for Christ’s sake, not only to believe and confidently trust in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, 30 [and so you are] experiencing the same [kind of] conflict which you saw me endure, and which you hear to be mine now.

Yes! Christ is with all of us as we believe in Him and trust Him. He is with us in the valleys and on the mountaintops of life. He loves us greatly and desires to live in us. He desires to have His Holy Spirit flow in and through us. I love verse six of this chapter...

I am convinced and confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will [continue to] perfect and complete it until the day of Christ Jesus [the time of His return].

Woo hoo! Yes! Paul believed this. I believe this. Oh how I pray for more people to believe this too. 

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your love, mercy, and grace! Thank You for Scripture that You encourage me with! Thank You for Edie who shared Philippians 1 with me yesterday! Thank You for the opportunities You gave me to love on people yesterday and the ones ahead in this day! Thank You for friends like Ross and Mary who took us to lunch; Marlene who is here with me this week; Mr. Gavin and Miss Everly who colored me pictures and gave me hugs; texts/messages/calls from Anthony, Mark Vaughn, and Sandy! Thank You for cleansing me today so I can walk in obedience to Your will in a more intentional way! Thank You for encouraging me to continue on life with You even without Doc by my side! Lord, help me to knock the enemy down when he comes knocking at my door. Thank You for being My Life! Amen.

II Timothy 1:7; Romans 5:1-5 - "The Way (New Horizons)"

I not only survived my first wedding anniversary without my honey but I think I did pretty well through it. God once again provided support from my tribe through texts/calls, getting my fall decorations out, dinner out with friends, a walk at the waterfront, and flowers from friends and family. The memories were precious that flowed through my mind. The tears that flowed as I grieved there will no longer be new memories were ones that healed my broken heart. A precious lady who saw us praying at dinner and saw my tears was a blessing as she came over and prayed over us. "I love you dear sister in Christ" were her parting words. Wow, God sure knows how to encourage us! He used family, friends, and even strangers to encourage me yesterday. He is such a loving God. I am so grateful for His love, mercy, and grace. I am so grateful for the Holy Spirit who lives in me and empowers me to live in God's presence. A friend shared Romans 5:3-5 with me yesterday. The first five verses read in The Message:

1-2 By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. 3-5 There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

My relationship with God comes through Jesus and allows the Holy Spirit complete reign in my life. The Trinity...God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. There is no better way to live life. In my opinion, there is no other way to live life. He is the Way! I love the last words of these verses. ...we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit. Wow, how true! We can't possibly ever begin to realize how much God loves us. His blessings upon our lives are so awesome. The way He led me through another first yesterday was so great. He loves me so much and I am so grateful.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for loving me so greatly! Thank You for giving me exactly what I need when I need it! Thank You for my tribe who supported me through my first wedding anniversary without Doc through cards/texts, dinner out, a walk at the waterfront, flowers, etc.! Thank You for allowing tears to fall to cleanse my broken heart! Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me. May You shine brightly through me today in my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. May You give me a loving heart as You gave the dear lady who saw us praying at the restaurant along with the tears falling and came over to pray over us. "I love you dear sister in Christ" from a stranger was so special to me. Lord, continue to be with Mike Hignight's family as they prepare for his service this weekend. May You be so very close to them. Lord, I pray continued healing in physical bodies for those who had recent surgeries or are dealing with health issues. My sister Sally, Donna, Elizabeth, Melanie, and many others. I pray for healing in relationships. Most of all I pray for healing in spiritual bodies that need You to become real to them. Thank You Jesus for being My Way! Amen.

II Timothy 1:7; Psalm 34 - "Trading My Sorrows"

September 23, 2020 is the first wedding anniversary without Doc being here doing life with me. As I prayed this morning I thanked God for the almost thirty-one years we had. I thanked Him for my honey no longer suffering. I also thanked Him for the knowledge I will see him again. This picture was taken last September on our thirtieth. We went to a more expensive place we had never gone and enjoyed a wonderful meal. He wasn't able to walk as much as in days past on the waterfront but we enjoyed our time there together celebrating our marriage. I shared this reading on Facebook last night...

I am so grateful for these last few months where I made the time to intentionally spend with Doc. I'm grateful for all the trips I made to various places to get him what he thought he could eat. Sushi, bagel with lox, etc. I am grateful for all the times he went with me to the building even when he could do nothing but lay on his mat. I am grateful for my 'tribe' who were there for us bringing us groceries, mowing the yard, doing odd jobs around the house, listening to me and praying with me, etc. I am grateful for all the memories we made over the years. My heart hurts there will be no more hugs from my honey, new memories made, etc. but I know God is with me and will give me exactly what I need to get through every moment of every day. Even the days like today with this first wedding anniversary. I was reminded this morning of David's words in Psalm 34:17-19. They read in the New Living Testament:

The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.
    He rescues them from all their troubles.
 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

 The righteous person faces many troubles,
    but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.

Yes! What promises! He hears my cries...He rescues me...He will stay close to me. Woo hoo! I know I am not alone on this new journey. No matter how overwhelming this new season can appear God will never let me fall. He is always there to encourage me. He is always there to be my wisdom as I allow Him. He is always there to wrap His loving arms around me. Plain and simple. He is always! Woo hoo!

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for being exactly what I need to not just get through this first wedding anniversary without Doc but to praise You through it! Thank You for safe travels yesterday and sleeping in my own bed last night! Thank You for Marlene giving her time to be with me! I pray You will empower us through getting legal stuff accomplished. Lord, may You cleanse me so You can fill me. May You flow from my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today. May You shine brightly through me. I continue to pray for those who had surgery this week for healing. My sister Sally, Donna, and another friend. I pray peace for: the family who lost loved ones in the car accident Saturday; Mike Hignight's family; the wife/mother who was killed in a car accident in Texas; and so many others who are hurting. Lord, my heart hurts but I know I am not the only one hurting over Doc leaving us. I pray for all to feel Your presence in this new season of life. Today is the first full day of fall. It is a day where I would get our decorations for the new season. Doc would grumble jokingly as I did. I will miss that. But I am so thankful You took him from the suffering on this earth and gave him a new body that is cancer free. Thank You Jesus for being My Always! Amen.

Psalm 20 - "Into The Sea (It's Gonna Be OK)"

Yesterday Paul shared a song with me he heard that he thought I would like. Wow, God! It touched my heart as I listened to these words...

From beginning to the end
You're so close
You have never let me down
And You won't
In the valleys, in the shadows, I know
You're so close
You're so close

Though the mountains may be moved into the sea
Though the ground beneath might crumble and give way
I can hear my Father singing over me
"It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay"
"It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay"

I'm gonna be okay
I'm gonna be okay

In Doc's last days/hours I used these exact words. "I'm gonna be okay." I told him that and I believe it. I know God is with me. I know He will never leave me. I know His strength is my strength. I know His wisdom is my wisdom. Plain and simple. I know His will is what I desire to fulfill and He will empower me to fulfill it. Event though I do not know what the future will bring or what it will look like I know God does and that is all that matters. I am so thankful for this knowledge. I am so thankful for the knowledge that He will continue to not just sustain me but He will bless me in abundance as I live in His presence. My heart breaks for Mike's wife Kim as she begins this same journey. Mike fought hard and longer than Doc. He encouraged us greatly through the journey. I am grateful in knowing He is celebrating with the Lord just as Doc. Maybe the two of them will finally meet instead of just talking. I am grateful for him sharing his journey with us and encouraging us to keep on focusing on the Lord through Doc's journey. God needs more of us to share His love with others. He needs more of us to give our testimony not only when asked but anytime we have an opportunity to do so. Tasha Layton wrote about this song, An affirmation of God’s presence and providence in a chaotic world. Yes! He is the Only One who can make sense of life when it makes no sense to us. I was touched that Tasha is not only from South Carolina but is an instructor at Trevecca. That gives me a connection to her. She said she had been pondering Psalm 20 during the days of writing this song. In the New Living Testament it reads:

1 In times of trouble, may the Lord answer your cry.
    May the name of the God of Jacob keep you safe from all harm.
 May he send you help from his sanctuary
    and strengthen you from Jerusalem.
 May he remember all your gifts
    and look favorably on your burnt offerings. Interlude

 May he grant your heart’s desires
    and make all your plans succeed.
 May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory
    and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.
May the Lord answer all your prayers.

 Now I know that the Lord rescues his anointed king.
    He will answer him from his holy heaven
    and rescue him by his great power.
 Some nations boast of their chariots and horses,
    but we boast in the name of the Lord our God.
 Those nations will fall down and collapse,
    but we will rise up and stand firm.

 Give victory to our king, O Lord!
    Answer our cry for help.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for the safe travels yesterday and the ones You will give us today! Thank You for loving me so much! Thank You for giving me exactly what I need to get through these days of adjusting to life without Doc! Thank You for cleansing me this morning so You can fill me! Thank You for going before me and being my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts throughout this day! Lord, be with me in a mighty way! I pray the same for Mike's family as they are waking up without him. Every day is a new day. May we all remember that. May we all remember You are in control of the storms we are experiencing and nothing surprises You. Lord, my heart hurts and my body is tired but I praise You for being with me and never leaving me. Thank You for being My Victory! Amen.

II Timothy 1:7; Psalm 118:24-29 - "Overwhelmed"

Another 'first' will happen today as I travel back to South Carolina without my honey. I wonder if I will ever get use to life without him. I wonder what the future holds and how I will survive it. I wonder if I am strong enough to get through it without him. As I wonder these things I am assured by my Heavenly Father that He is in control and loves me enough to not just see me through the days ahead but will empower me to do His will through them. He is so good to encourage me. This morning encouragement for the day comes through a song Big Daddy Weave sings called Overwhelmed. 

All that You've done is so overwhelming
I delight myself in You
In the Glory of Your Presence
I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed by You

God, I run into Your arms
Unashamed because of mercy
I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed by You

There is a good aspect of being overwhelmed and there is a bad one. The good one is what I experience as I live in His presence. It is what I realize as I allow Him to be the King of Kings and Lord of Lords of my life. I am not overwhelmed in the bad aspect by all that is happening in my little world but instead in the good aspect. Living in His presence is where the good aspect of being overwhelmed is found. There is no better place to live. I am thankful for all God has done for me up to this point in my life. I also am grateful for all He will do for me in the days ahead. Yesterday my friend Kim shared with me Psalm 118:24-29 from The Passion Translation. 

This is the very day of the Lord that brings

gladness and joy, filling our hearts with glee.

O God, please come and save us again;

bring us your breakthrough-victory!

Blessed is this one who comes to us, the sent one of the Lord.

And from within the temple we cry, “We bless you!”

For the Lord our God has brought us his glory-light.

I offer him my life in joyous sacrifice.

Tied tightly to your altar I will bring you praise.

For you are the God of my life and I lift you high,

exalting you to the highest place.

So let’s keep on giving our thanks to God, for he is so good!

His constant, tender love lasts forever!

Woo hoo! Breakthrough victory! That is what is received when we continue to praise Him through the storms of life. We will be overwhelmed in the good way by Him as we praise Him. We will be blessed in abundance as we praise Him. We will realize His presence more as we praise Him. We will desire to go deeper in our faith as we praise Him. Plain and simple. The way to have breakthrough victory is to praise Him! Woo hoo! As I continue to stand upon II Timothy 1:7 in His love and empowerment I will stay focused on Him and receive victory.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your Word, songs, and people that encourage me greatly! Thank You for the way You love on me so, so much! Thank You for the safety on the road yesterday and for the way You will continue to keep us safe as we travel home! Thank You for the love, mercy and grace people will continue to show me as I find my way through You on this new journey! Lord, cleanse me so You will shine brightly through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today. I pray for physical, mental, emotional, financial, and most of all spiritual strength. I pray You will be greater than the hurts of my heart as I do life without Doc. I also pray for the needs of three who I know are having surgery today. May You give them Your peace. My sister Sally, Donna, and another friend. I also continue to pray for the family with loss in the car accident Saturday and another family who are dealing with COVID-19. Lord, I pray You will be so real to each one of them. Thank You Jesus for being My Breakthrough Victory! Amen.

II Timothy 1:7; Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 4:12 - "There Will Be A Day"

Yesterday was such a blessing. I could not have planned a more perfect Celebration of Life for my honey. Both the service in South Carolina and the one in Ohio celebrated his life. I am so grateful for everyone that was instrumental in making them exactly what I had pictured them to be. I am so grateful for the words that were spoken, songs that were sung, people who were there, etc. I have so much to be grateful for. I had thought about Rosh Hashanah and then when Ben mentioned it I was so blessed. This is a new season for me. I may not have chosen this season but God will show me how to not only get through it but glorify Him on my journey. He will guide me as I allow Him. He will speak and I will listen so I can continue to walk in obedience to Him. There are so many unknowns but He has already taken care of some of them. I know He will reveal to me what I need to know in the right time. In Doc's final hours, I took this picture. I wanted it to have a visual of him always holding onto me. I desire to live a life not only that glorifies God but one Doc would be proud of himself.

The season of cancer is over. Praise His Holy Name there is no more pain. A young man who was part of our life as a young teen through his early twenties sent me a song by Jeremy Camp called "There Will Be A Day" this morning. 

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

Doc fought hard through his battle with pancreatic cancer. When the cancer spread to the spine and bones, his body became so weak. After the stroke hit, he only fought for another forty-eight hours before he took his final breath. The season with the cancer was the toughest season we had ever been in. It was a season I would not wish on anyone. I am so grateful for the way it took us deeper in our faith and gave us His wisdom to make some decisions ahead of time. Hospice, cremation, the two services, me staying in Beaufort...all of these were decisions already made. I am so grateful we made them together just as we always did with God directing us. I was reminded this morning of Ecclesiastes 4:12. A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Three. God, Doc, and myself. All three were brought together in marriage thirty-one years ago this coming Wednesday. Even though Doc is no longer on this earth he is still my husband. I not only have God's strength but I have Doc's strength. This new season will take some time to adjust to. I may never really adjust to it but I know God is with me guiding me through it. He is with me to give me His strength, wisdom, and empowerment as I continue to stand upon II Timothy 1:7. I pray for people to love on me with His love. I pray they will show me His grace and mercy as I may not 'do' things in the timing they think I should, the way they think I should, etc. I am going to continue seeking more of the Lord so I can continue to stay focused on what He desires of me. He is the Only One I desire to please. His Word tells me in Colossians 3:23 in the New Living Translation Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. I know when we try to please people our focus goes off of God and I sure do not want that to happen in my life. I pray for all pastors to remember today and the days ahead.

Dear Jesus

Thank You for the blessings of yesterday! Thank You for all who participated in the service both in coming and in speaking/singing! Thank You for my boys who loved on me so well! I am so proud of the men You have given me in them. Adam, Paul, and Ben are gifts from You that bless me in abundance. Thank You for friends and family who continue to love me on this journey! Lord, I was so moved by the words spoken. When WPD Chief Chaffins shared they had flown the flags at half mast for Doc, the tears flowed. When he presented me with the flag, I was touched. WPD meant the world to Doc. He was able to minister to them in ways he could not do anywhere else. What a blessing they were to him! Pastor Sam traveling from South Carolina showed support from my district family that meant so much. Ben, Craig, and James shared things no one else had experienced with Doc. What a legacy Doc left through all of those who have become pastors. Adam singing for his Daddy was such a tribute to Doc. Kathy and Nate led the service with music that touched my heart. The service was a perfect way to show what Doc meant to all of us. The Holy Spirit being present was the icing on the cake! Thank You for making it possible for the slideshow Will and Sandy worked on so hard to be showed! Thank You for the Wooster Church of the Nazarene that loved on us in so many ways including the meal after the service! I was especially blessed by Your love shown to me by Judy Fitzpatrick. She made sure when I needed water I had it and checked on me regularly. What a servant's heart! Thank You for Aaron who shared There Will Be A Day with me this morning! Once again Lord You have showed my tribe to me. Lord, help me to stay focused on You so I can continue to walk in obedience to Your will. Cleanse me so You can do this. May You be my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts in a mighty way throughout the day ahead. This new season may not always be easy but I know easy is not where my faith goes deeper. Easy is not where I will grow in You. May You be greater than anything in the days ahead that will try to take my focus from You. I pray You will also ease the physical pain I am experiencing in my body today. May You also be very real to the family who lost loved ones in the horrific accident yesterday off the McTeer Bridge. Be with pastors as they go into the pulpit today and may they remember You are the Only One they are to focus on. Thank You Jesus for being Season Creator! Amen.

II Timothy 1:7; Luke 8 - "Bring The Rain"

I had a dream last night that I was in my closet crying and begging God to be with me during a natural storm going through. I prayed for Him to protect me and my home. I told Him I did not feel strong enough to get through the storm. He very clearly spoke to me and said, "Daughter this storm will not destroy you but instead will strengthen you." Wow, God! I am not experiencing a natural storm right now in the sense of a hurricane, tornado, etc. But I am experiencing a natural storm with Doc's death. We all are born and we all die. What happens between those two events will determine if we live eternity in heaven or hell. No matter what the circumstances we do not have to fear. Instead we must put on a different type of fear as we fear the Lord. We must be reverent to Him and allow Him to live in and through us. We must allow Him to be our strength in the storms of life. I am reminded of the sermon God gave me last week to preach. It was about the disciples who were fearful in the storm that came over them. The story is found in Luke 8. Verse twenty-three reads in The Passion Translation: The wind rose, and the fierce wind became a violent squall the threatened to swamp their boat. A squall is a storm with wind and rain that comes on suddenly. The pancreatic cancer in Doc's body came on suddenly. It was violent in so many ways. Just as the disciples cried out to Jesus we cried out to Him for fifteen months. There were times when the enemy tried to put fear upon us but we refused to accept it. There were times when we felt like we couldn't go on yet the Lord was always there with us. It takes great faith to live through storms without giving into fear. In verse twenty-five Jesus asked the disciples why they were fearful and what happened to their faith. I am so thankful even in the times I felt helpless I never lost the knowledge of His peace. I am thankful my faith took me deeper to a whole new level of trust. I am thankful for the hope He continues to give me and for His love showering down upon me. Without Him I would be hopeless and helpless. With Him I can walk in the knowledge that I am never alone but instead can be experience His supernatural empowerment. I am grateful for II Timothy 1:7 that tells me of this. My emotional being is raw. I've cried more tears than I could ever count. I'm thankful God knows how many tears and sees each one as a way of healing. My physical being is worn out. I'm thankful God knows how little physical strength I have and continues to carry me through this storm. I also am grateful for the way He continues to take my spiritual being deeper in faith. I am grateful I chose God to be my Pilot over the storm of cancer in Doc's body. I am grateful I allowed Him to direct my path and be my focus. I am grateful I lean into Him to calm my fears when the enemy tries to tear me down. I praise Him for being able to sing...

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for loving on me through so many people yesterday! Thank You for going before me today and being exactly what I need! Thank You for the privilege to honor Doc today in the service here in Ohio! Father, he touched so many lives in different ways. I'm so thankful to hear the different stories people have shared with me. I'm so thankful for the knowledge I know he is at peace and has a new, cancer-free body. Lord, I pray I will continue to be focused on You so I can receive a new body too. Cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May You shine brightly through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today so people will know You are who I live for. Thank You for safe travels yesterday for Paul, Miss Bella, and Liz and Adam, Rachel, and Miss Aiya! May You be with everyone who travels today for the service. Lord, I pray for a stress-free day so I can stay focused on You. I pray the enemy out of my day. I pray for You to give me Your supernatural empowerment in my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual body. Thank You Jesus for being My Pilot! Amen.