When I went to bed last night I was so tired and didn't relish the idea of getting up at 5:30 but I knew being in the hospital setting with a friend having surgery was something I would be blessed through. I miss ministering at the hospital...the times of praying with people who many times are nervous, scared, etc. I miss comforting family members as they await surgery results or are told their loved one passed from this earth. I know God used me during those years as Medical Chaplain and for that I am grateful. As I saw my nurses who cared for me a year ago this month during my breast cancer surgeries I was blessed yet it also was emotional for me. Last night I was singing "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and thought 'if only I could be with family...' The song continues with 'if only in my dreams...' The tears flowed as I thought of being away from family. Not being there for the birth of our newest grandson has been so hard. I was thinking today getting use to having all of the miles in between has got to get easier. The breast cancer last year took my mind off of this situation a bit. I was focusing on surgeries, doctor appointments, treatments, etc. This year hurts so bad. I think it is a combination of not having any time with Doc, him being so tired all the time along with Weston's birth. Having neighbors move who have prayed for us and with us many times over this last year doesn't help any. I just hurt and have shed many tears. I don't like feeling like this. I know we are in the center of God's will but it still hurts. This morning God reminded me of the words in "Hills and Valleys"...
No matter what I have, your grace is enough
No matter where I am, i'm standing in your love
Yes! I know I am not alone...He is always here for me and oh how I need to feel His strength right now.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for always being with me...whether on the mountain top or in the valley. I feel like I am falling apart. I hurt so bad and the tears just don't want to stop. I know You can use tears to cleanse away hurt and that is what I'm praying for. May Your strength be my strength. I don't want to have my emotional pain distract me from anything You desire of me. Thank You for the opportunities to be You this morning with my friends. Thank You for the way You kept the tears at bay until I started home. Father, I pray Your strength for my friend as she deals with post-op pain and therapy in the days ahead. I pray for her husband to have Your strength as he cares for her. Lord, cleanse me and fill me so I can be a beacon of light for You. I pray for our friends who are leaving for Texas in the morning. May they be blessed with safe travels. I also pray for healing from his surgery to continue. I pray for a blessing over our time with the children and teens tonight as we have their children with us for the last time before the leave. Lord, thank You again for being with me during times of melt-down. Thank You for being My Constant. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment