Thirty years is a long time. Some marriages don't last that long and some last even longer. I am so blessed to be Doc's wife. He is not only my husband but my best friend, pastor, leader of our home...so many things. There have been some 'tough' times in our marriage but these past few months are probably the toughest we've ever been through. Thankfully we live out a II Timothy 1:7 type of life that empowers us to lean more into God and trust Him. Our faith has grown due to the diagnosis of pancreatic cancer in Doc. Yes there are still days of the 'what ifs' coming into play but thankfully the Lord empowers us to not live in them. Yesterday I saw a picture that reminded me of what I need to do.
I'm not sure that this picture is speaking of God's joy but that is the joy I refer to when I speak of it. Joy is a choice. The enemy does not like us to live in God's joy. He would prefer us to live in pain and agony. The only way to live in God's joy is to allow Him total control of our life. When we do, we will realize His joy no matter what is going on. It does not mean we won't have problems because we will. It does not mean we will always feel 'happy' because we won't. It means when you are watching your husband fight for his life you will have peace in your spirit. It means when you miss your family so much you cry you will feel your Heavenly Father's arms wrapped around you. It means when you don't feel like you can take another step in your physical body, you will feel His strength start at the tip of your head and go to the tip of your toes. Living this type of life does not make sense to a lot of people yet they see we are different. They see God's love pour out of us. They see His strength showing through us. Oh how we pray we are an example of what it means to live a life of surrender. We pray for more people to come into such relationship through our example. No, we are not perfect. Yes, we miss opportunities He puts before us. But the important thing is we strive to live a II Timothy 1:7 type of life. As we do, His love pours from us. That is the most important part of our life. We want to please God. We want Him to be proud of us. We desire for Him to know just how much we love Him. During these tough days with doctor appointments, chemo, etc. I must be intentional in staying close to Him. The enemy tries to put roadblocks in front of us to detour our faith. Thankfully God empowers us through the Holy Spirit to not take such detours. Saturday night as we celebrated 'us' the enemy tried to detour my joy with the 'what ifs' but I asked God to empower me to enjoy the evening and He did. We don't know if this will be our last anniversary to celebrate or not. No one knows but God knows when any of us will be taken from this earth. What we can know is God is with us and will empower with what we need to get through each day. He will take our faith deeper when we allow Him to. I'm grateful for every day God gives us together. I will live each day with a greater appreciation. I will continue to pray for God's healing in Doc's body while on this earth. I will have faith that whatever happens in our life is what God has planned. He already knows the outcome and for that I am grateful. I do not have to worry but instead just need to live in His presence and empowerment.
cDear Jesus,
Thank You for my husband! Thank You for these last thirty years of marriage and for the upcoming years! Thank You for giving Doc a heart for You! Father, cleanse us so You can fill us with more of You. Make us a beacon of light that shines brightly for You. Lord, I continue to pray for a physical healing in Doc's body and continued strength for both of us through these days. I pray You will empower us to knock the enemy down when he tries to pull us away from You. I pray for so many who are going through physical issues, family turmoil, grief from the loss of a loved one, those who are hurting emotionally, and those who are struggling financially. May You be exactly what each of them need. Thank You for being The Fulfiller of Our Needs! Amen.
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