Yesterday was one of the most emotional days of my life. It started with it being a Sunday where Doc and I were praying throughout the night for the service. We knew the enemy didn't want his sermon to be effective just by how much we were praying. Once we were at the church there were people who canceled being there and other things that were very frustrating. After service it was our annual Chili Cook-off with games for the children and hayrides. Normally, I am a big part of such events but I had to leave after service to go to Orrville for the Hospice Memorial Service for my Daddy. You would think after being in ministry for twenty plus years I would get use to church activities coming before family activities but yesterday was one of those days where I would have given anything to have Doc with me. As I got closer to Wooster (where the service was held) I lost it and the tears started flowing. I looked at the time and thought it should be safe to call Doc and ask him to pray with me so I did. Unfortunately, I got his voice mail and that made me cry all that harder. It was then the Lord spoke to me and said, "Daughter, I am with you. I hear your call. Lean on my strength." I continued on my journey and went into the service. As I sat there and listened to the music the tears started again. I was determined to be strong for my Momma. Seeing others crying didn't help much. I kept repeating over and over again, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." When the time came for my Daddy's name to be shared and roses given to each of us, once again the tears flowed and once again I thought I needed to be strong for my Momma. At the end of the service, Pastor Nathan prayed that the service would have been another step in our healing process. It hit me. It's OK to cry. It's OK to show my emotion. I miss my Daddy. It's not that I would ever wish him back here because he was ready to receive his eternal healing. But I do miss him and that's OK. After the service as my Momma talked with some people I slipped back toward the door and stood off to the side and cried. All at once a lady came to me, hugged me and asked me if I were OK. I explained I was trying to be strong for my Momma but I just needed to cry. Her words encouraged me and in the course of the conversation, I found out her son had committed suicide. Wow! We can always find someone going through something harder than we are. At least I had my Daddy here on this earth for 87 years and here she was with losing her son. After getting my Momma settled in at the fellowship time I slipped out and was blessed with getting ahold of Doc on the phone. He encouraged me and I knew he was praying for me. I then was encouraged by being able to talk with Pastor Nathan and Dixie. The Lord took care of putting people there for me even though Doc couldn't be with me. At the end of the day, he blessed me with being able to say bedtime prayers with my Momma. Today he blessed me with time with her and getting things accomplished for her. He then blessed me with a safe trip home. On the way home I called Doc and told him I needed an appointment with my pastor. When he asked what for, I told him, "I just need to know I'm OK." I don't want anyone to think I've lost it because I'm grieving so much over losing my Daddy. I've never lost a parent before. I don't know how long it is normal to cry. He reassured me that I'm OK and shared about how everyone grieves differently. All words I've heard him say to others before and I've myself said to those grieving. But I needed to hear them. I've said all along this journey of the last six months that I'm surprised at well my body has done through the turmoil and emotions. My MS has behaved itself which has been amazing. But I know it's because of Philippians 4:13. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Woo hoo! His strength is perfect!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for being My Strength. Amen.
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