Psalm 18 - "Heaven Help Me"

Yesterday was 'one of those days' where it seemed like every time I turned around the tears were falling. I decided I was feeling strong enough to go get a gallon of milk and go to the bank. As I was driving down the road the tears began. I prayed for God to give me His strength. It was like I was afraid to be out and about. I could not make sense of the way I was feeling. When I prayed, the tears subsided and the song "Heaven Help Me" that Zach Williams sings came on the radio. It reminded me I am not alone in anything I do. He is there for me.

Help me, help me
'Cause I can't walk this road alone
And I can't do this on my own
Tell me, tell me
I just need to hear You say
That everything will be okay

When I don't understand
When I don't I think I can
I know You have a plan
Heaven help me
Heaven help me

What a blessing this song was to me throughout the rest of the day. I honestly did not know if I was going to make it out of Wal-Mart. I got in the car and took off the mask that I was struggling with it and it was as if the Lord told me, "I am Your breath. Daughter, you must allow me to be everything in your life." I sat there and thought about the conversation in Sunday School about how we need to give Him everything. It is not just about our money but also our time, family, circumstances, etc. I have prayed throughout this ordeal of COVID for God's strength. I have prayed for Him to keep it from 'being too bad.' My prayers have been continual but yet yesterday He had to remind me I had to give Him everything. I don't think I'm holding onto anything but it made me stop and think. I know I will be praying more about it. I am so thankful for the way He was with me to get me home. After eating lunch I thought I would go for my second walk but realized I needed to rest instead. Baby steps. That is what it is going to take to get back to 'normal.' I remember times of going through MS exasperations and having to do physical or water therapy to get my strength back. I also remember how I would think I was never going to be back to 'normal' again but of course it always happened. Sometimes it took therapy and sometimes it took time. In 2016 God performed a miracle in my body to bring me out of one. I have a history that God has woven. My story is one with many mountains and many valleys but the constant is God was/is always with me. Woo hoo! Psalm 18 is David's story. He shows great confidence in knowing God is with Him. I love how he starts the Psalm proclaiming his love for the Lord. That is the desire of my heart. The more I love Him the more I will realize what He desires of me. Matthew Henry wrote of this Psalm:

The first words of the psalm, I will love thee, O Lord! my strength, are here prefixed as the scope and contents of the whole. Love to God is the first and great commandment of the law, because it is the principle of all our acceptable praise and obedience; and this use we should make of all the mercies God bestows upon us, our hearts should thereby be enlarged in love to him. 

Yes! God's love saw me through many 'tough' days in the sixteen months of Doc's pancreatic cancer. It saw me through the last forty eight hours with him having a stroke. It saw me through watching him take his last breath. Even though I did not want him to leave this earth we both knew it was time. Fast forward to fifteen months later and watching my Rickey leave this earth was tough. He had quickly became a part of my life even though we were seven hundred miles apart. I don't understand the 'whys?' of either of them leaving but I know God knows and that is all that matters. I also know God loves me greatly and is with me every moment of the day. I don't know the rest of my story and I am thankful to not know it. I know the Author and look forward to see how my story works out as long as He has me on this earth.

Dear Jesus, Thank You for Your strength and wisdom yesterday! Thank You for constantly being with me and providing exactly what I need! Having "Heaven Help Me" on the radio and throughout the day having it on my mind reminded me I am not alone. Woo hoo! Father, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. Lord, there are so many going through 'tough' days. I pray they will realize they are not alone. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve; Cade and Lauren; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Mary Lilley; Kristen Batten; Preacher Bill Watts; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Patty's daughter Tracy; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Little Ivy and Dorothy's grandson with leukemia; Betty's friend in New York' and my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor; a set of twins who were born premature; Baby Henry; and Kenny and Terri as Kenneth is deployed. Oh Lord, be so close to these families. Thank You Lord for being with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself in these days without my Rickey with us. Some days just seem to be harder than others. Lord, be greater than the hurts of life. Thank You for the news yesterday of the healthy baby boy born to the Momma in premature labor! Thank You for being The Author of My Story! Amen.

Psalm 77 - "Split The Sea"

 

The Lord took me to Psalm 77 this morning. The miracle of His creation is one to enjoy every day. Yesterday I took two walks outside in the sunshine. It was not only beautiful but it was so refreshing. There is nothing better than to feel the sunshine on your face as you bask in the beauty of His creation. I am thankful for the walks I took yesterday and for the ones I will take today. God continues to be with me during this time of COVID. He gives me things to remind me of His love and care. Yesterday having chocolate covered strawberries dropped off on the porch from Cait was such a reminder. I know she took time out of her busy schedule to love me with His love. The cards I have received in the mail, the porch drop-offs from neighbors and friends, and the texts/emails/messages all show His love for me. I have struggled with not being able to concentrate during these days. I try to read or study but end up frustrated. David wrote Psalm 77 at a time he was frustrated with feeling like God was not there for him. I am thankful to know God is always here for me. Just as David sought God in his days of trouble I seek Him. I pray every day for God to cleanse me so He can fill me to overflowing with more of Him. That is the only way I can be who He desires me to be. I must allow Him to be Who He desires to be in my life before this can happen. I must realize I cannot do anything on my own but must lean into His strength. This morning when I woke with the sore throat back I was bummed but quickly prayed for God to take care of it. Sometimes His timing is not what we desire but we must remember He always knows what is best. We also must remember what He has done for us in the past. Matthew Henry wrote, The remembrance of the works of God, will be a powerful remedy against distrust of his promise and goodness; for he is God, and changes not. Yes! When we remember what He has done for us, we will be more apt to stand in His strength in the challenging days of life. God has done many miracles in my life and I am grateful for each one. He continues to part the 'Red Seas' of life over and over again just as David speaks of in Psalm 77. Praise His Holy Name! I do not know what lies ahead in life but I know Who does know. I do know whatever lies ahead He will take care of as I allow Him. I am reminded this morning of a song Hannah Kerr sings called "Split The Sea"...

I believe
Every promise that You've spoken
I believe
You are faithful every moment
It may look impossible
But You're the God of miracles
You have always made a way for me
You can still split the sea

Dear Jesus, Thank You for the improvement in my physical body! Thank You for the two walks I took yesterday and the ones I will take today! Thank You for soothing this sore throat I woke with again! Lord, may today be the day I am able to concentrate to read and study. If not, then give me what I need to accept the day. Cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May You be greater than any obstacle that comes my way. May You continue to 'part the Red Seas' in my life. I pray the same for many going through 'tough' days. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve; Cade and Lauren; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Mary Lilley; Kristen Batten; Preacher Bill Watts; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Little Ivy and Dorothy's grandson with leukemia; Betty's friend in New York' and my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor; a set of twins who were born premature; Baby Henry; and Kenny and Terri as Kenneth is deployed. Oh Lord, be so close to these families. I praise You for the way You continue to be with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself in these days without my Rickey with us. Lord, be greater than the hurts of life. Thank You for being The One To Part My Red Seas! Amen.

John 17:25-26 - "Heaven Help Me"

February 14, 2022. Today has a lot of emotions for many people. Last night was the Super Bowl. Statistics tell us that event brings about high amounts of physical abuse. This morning I am praying for anyone who endured being abused last night to seek help. I pray they will not allow the enemy to tell them lies about their situation. Today is Valentine's Day. It is not a day filled with love, gifts, special meals, etc. for many people. Instead it is a day of loneliness. There are many people who have never had the opportunity to be loved by a special someone. There are also many people who lost the love of their life through a divorce or death. This morning I am praying for God's loving arms to be felt wrapped around them. Sometimes holidays are treasures in our life and sometimes they hurt deeply. Many times people forget not everyone has the same life we do. When around family and friends for holidays, it is easy to forget those who do not have such an opportunity. This morning I pray for all of us to be more aware of those who are hurting. I pray for not only myself but for all to get to the point in our life where we love with His love. We must get to the end of ourselves so He can be Who He desires to be in our life so we can be who He desires us to be. We cannot allow life to distract us but instead need to keep our focus on God. I'm struggling with not being able to focus for any length of time on reading or studying as I deal with COVID. But I'm not struggling on focusing on God. He keeps my focus and for that I am grateful. He has given me projects to work on while being in bed. I started a birthday gift and a Christmas gift. I also started a project when I'm out of bed that I work on as I can. He gave me times of tears yesterday as I reread cards sent to me during both difficult and joyous times in life. I feel like I am never going to get back to 'normal' yet chuckle when I think there really is no 'normal' in life. Just when I think I find a new normal after change of circumstances life changes again. That is OK because I know God is in control. I know He love me and is my strength to get me through anything that happens. Praise His Holy Name! I am so blessed by all the ways He loves me. Last evening He gave me Exodus 14:14 to share with a friend going through a difficult time. Later in the evening He brought another friend to my mind to pray for. I do not know what she is going through but God knew I needed to pray for her so I did. I sent her a message and this morning she replied, "I'm always amazed at the timing of your messages." It is not me but God who has perfect timing. I am just His obedient servant. He loves us so much. He provides exactly what we need when we need it. His love is so great that He sent His Only Son to earth to die for us. The best part of the story is He didn't stay in the grave but rose again. Woo hoo! Jesus' words in John 17:25-26 remind me of the importance of loving all we meet with His love. Yesterday I shared these verses with my church family and told them I pray we love people with His love in ways they will desire to experience His love. In Sunday School yesterday we talked about how it is never too late for someone to accept Christ into their heart. But we never know when it will be too late. Therefore, we need to take every opportunity to share His love. There are too many people in this world who do not know the love of Christ. One of the purposes for us on this earth is to share His love. We cannot allow the enemy to tell us we can't but instead must remember Jesus' words in Matthew 19:26 that all things are possible with Him. We cannot do anything on our own but must live in His presence. I am reminded of the words to Zach Williams song "Heaven Help Me"...

When I don't understand
When I don't I think I can
I know You have a plan
Heaven help me
Heaven help me

Help me, help me
'Cause I can't walk this road alone
And I can't do this on my own
Tell me, tell me
I just need to hear You say
That everything will be okay

Dear Jesus, Thank You for Your love! Thank You for loving others through me! Thank You for providing exactly what we need when we need it as we allow You! Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May people experience Your love through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today. Once again, I will probably not leave the house but I pray You will still use me. I pray Your love will heal the hurts of many today. I pray for those abused last night from the Super Bowl and for the abusers. I pray for those who do not have someone to show their love to them today on Valentine's Day. I pray for those who do not experience Your love to find it. May all who have You in their heart be willing to allow You to be their King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Lord, may today be the day where I am up functioning more. May It be the day where You love through me in a way that will make a difference in someone's life. I pray Your love over many going through 'tough' days. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve; Cade and Lauren; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Kristen Batten; Preacher Bill Watts; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Little Ivy and Dorothy's grandson with leukemia; Betty's friend in New York' and my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor; a set of twins who were born premature; Baby Henry; and Kenny and Terri as Kenneth is deployed. Oh Lord, be so close to these families. I praise You for the way You continue to be with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself in these days of adjustment without my Rickey being on this earth. Lord, be greater than the hurts of life. Thank You for being The One To Love Me! Amen.

Psalm 122:1 - "Promises"

 

I am so bummed. I have to keep reminding myself God is in control. He has a reason why He is allowing things to happen. I am trying not to be discouraged but am struggling. How can I proclaim Psalm 122:1 if I can't even be in church? Duh! When David wrote these words, he did not have a church building to worship in. We do not need a building to gather but we do need to continue to gather together and worship. That is what is making today so hard. Not being able to gather together because of me breaks my heart. I am struggling big time with today. I prayed and prayed for God's will be to be that I would be able to preach today. I have a choice to make. I could say the enemy is winning and be miserable or I can ask God how He will be glorified in this situation. I choose God. He woke me with the song "Promises" which blessed me in abundance. 

Though the storms may come and the winds may blow
I'll remain steadfast
And let my heart learn, when You speak a word
It will come to pass

Great is Your faithfulness to me
Great is Your faithfulness to me
From the rising sun to the setting same, I will praise Your name
Great is Your faithfulness to me

My earthly Daddy is a prime example of choosing God no matter what happens in life. Sixty plus surgeries, being hit by a train and having a broken neck, gunshot wound, seeing his daughter murdered, beating cancer multiple times...he lived a very challenging life yet he chose God. He trusted God to see him through every moment of his life. I trust God but I know sometimes my trust falters. The 'what ifs?' of circumstances like today come into my mind. I am human so it is natural for it to happen. 'What if...' my congregation gets discouraged and leaves. 'What if...' I never get to feeling better. 'What if...' the MS takes over in my body. I must remember God's will is where I desire to live. Whatever is ahead will be His will as I live in His presence. He is faithful to me. Therefore, I will be faithful to Him. 

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for the privilege to pray for pastors before going to bed, during the night, and again this morning! I know I am discouraged as a pastor but I also know as I live in Your presence You will show me Your will. Cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. Lord, You know how discouraging it is to still be in bed. Every day when I wake I think it will be the day I function normal again. Father, I am praying this morning against the nausea once again. I am praying Your strength to take over my body. I know You are greater than COVID and I know You are greater than MS. May You be glorified through me today. Love on my congregation in a mighty way and help us all to not be discouraged. I pray against discouragement in many going through difficult days. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve; Cade and Lauren; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Kristen Batten; Preacher Bill Watts; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; a lady who lost who husband last night; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Little Ivy and Dorothy's grandson with leukemia; Betty's friend in New York' and my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor; a set of twins who were born premature; and Kenny and Terri as Kenneth is deployed. Oh Lord, be so close to these families. I praise You for the visit Jeff and Leslie had with Baby Henry yesterday! I praise You for Chrissy loving on me with the beautiful roses! I praise You for another day of life! I praise You for the way You continue to be with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself in these days of adjustment without my Rickey being on this earth. Lord, be greater than the hurts of life. May I bless You throughout this day even though I won't leave the house. Thank You for being My Faithfulness! Amen.

Jeremiah 29:11 - "In The In Between"

These days of being in bed sick have given me way too much time to let my mind wander. The 'what ifs' keep going through my mind. 'What if' Doc's tumor would have shrunk from chemo...'what if' he would have never had the stroke...'what if' I would have never met my Rickey...'what if' COVID would not have taken him. Doc and I had so many things yet to accomplish in life. We worked well as a team and God used us mightily. I learned so much from him not only in ministry but especially with my personal walk with the Lord. Rickey and I had so many dreams. He had so many places he wanted me to see that I had never traveled to before. He was constantly introducing me to people on the phone he wanted me to meet in person. What did I give these two? How did God use me in their lives? Did I miss any opportunities God put before me with them? I pray I did not. I pray they knew I loved them and they knew I loved them with Jesus' love. I pray their grand babies know they loved them dearly. Both Doc and Rickey treasured their time with their grand babies. I want them to always know their Papa's loved them. As I've been in bed this week I've worked on grand baby gifts as my body and brain would allow. With every gift I make I pray for that grand child to know they are loved. This week has been an emotional one. I am so tired of being sick but keep reminding myself God is with me. He is with me on the mountains and He is with me in the valleys. Nothing surprises Him. What is ahead in this day is already taken care of by Him. I am so thankful to not know the future. I am sure I would mess things up. Praise God He knows all and takes care of all. This morning I heard a song by Sandi Patty called "In The In Between" and of course the tears fell. 

In the in between
Where every day life happens
And the fields of green
Belonged to someone else
In the in between
Of what will be and what has been
Jesus is a faithful friend
In the in between

The in between time between the mountains and the valleys can be hard but they also can be where our faith grows deeper. The secret to a successful in between time is allowing God to be Who He desires to be so we will be who He desires us to be. We all have a choice to make in how our in between times play out. We all have a choice to make when life gets 'tough' in whether we are going to allow God to guide us or manipulate circumstances to be how we think they should be. We all have a choice to make when we lose a loved one to allow grief to overtake us or to allow God to overtake us. Plain and simple. No matter what is happening in life we all have a choice to make. 

Dear Jesus,

Thank You once again for bringing a song to soothe me! Thank You for the way You have encouraged me this week through COVID! Thank You for the times I was able to work on grand baby gifts! Oh how I pray all of the grand babies know just how much their Papas loved them. I pray both Doc's and Rickey's grand babies will always remember their love for them. Even though no new memories can be made with them I pray they will hold the memories made while they were on this earth near and dear to their heart. Father, I continue to pray for the days of grief for all who have lost loved ones. I especially pray for Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself as it still is fresh. Lord, may we all lean into Your strength whether we are on the mountaintop or in the valley. I pray that for many going through 'tough' days. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve; Cade and Lauren; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Kristen Batten; Preacher Bill Watts; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Little Ivy and Dorothy's grandson with leukemia; Betty's friend in New York' and my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor; a set of twins who were born premature; and Kenny and Terri as Kenneth is deployed. Oh Lord, be so close to these families. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me with more of You. May I be a pleasing aroma to You today. Thank You for being My In Between! Amen.

Psalm 16 - "10,000 Reasons"

The Lord had me settled into Psalm 16 the days before my Rickey left this earth and for a few days after. David shows his love for the Lord throughout this Psalm. No matter what was happening in David's life God was his Constant. I am grateful to say He is my Constant. He is with me on the 'good' days and the 'tough' days. He knows exactly what I need and provides. This picture was taken last summer on one of my Rickey's trips to South Carolina. It was taken at the waterfront park where he loved to go. His love for the waterfront mirrored my love for it. He enjoyed sitting on the swings watching people go by as well as walking around. He loved to talk to people just as I do. When I would go to see Marion, he would have me drop him off at there for the afternoon. He said he was able to 'gather my thoughts' there. I am so grateful for the way God used him to help me in the healing process over Doc's death. I also am grateful for each and every conversation we had about where we would spend eternity. Neither of us ever expected for him to be gone already. That is all the more reason it is important to talk about eternity. We must be ready when our time comes to leave this earth. As I was reading Psalm 16 this morning God brought these words to my lips. I'm praising Him I have voice to sing today! 

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing your song again
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, Oh my soul
Oh my soul, worship his holy name
Sing like never before, Oh my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Woo hoo! Yes! I have "10,000 Reasons" to praise God! If I were to sit down and try to write all the reasons I have to praise Him, I would never be done. God is so, so good to me. He blesses me in abundance. My Rickey leaving this earth is sad for me but it also is a joy because I know where he is for eternity. I love what Matthew Henry writes...

Death destroys the hope of man, but not the hope of a real Christian. Christ's resurrection is an earnest of the believer's resurrection. In this world sorrow is our lot, but in heaven there is joy, a fulness of joy; our pleasures here are for a moment, but those at God's right hand are pleasures for evermore. Through this thy beloved Son, and our dear Saviour, thou wilt show us, O Lord, the path of life; thou wilt justify our souls now, and raise our bodies by thy power at the last day; when earthly sorrow shall end in heavenly joy, pain in everlasting happiness.

Woo hoo! Yes! There is joy in earthly death when we know our loved one is spending eternity with our Savior. Praise His Holy Name! Until the Lord takes me home I must get better at sharing Him. I must get better to not miss any opportunity He puts before me. I must live in His presence so He can ooze out of me. Yes!

Dear Jesus, Thank You for another day of life! Thank You for the way You are going to continue to strengthen me from this COVID and are going to calm down the nausea again today! Thank You for bringing Psalm 16 before me again! I remember those days right before my Rickey left this earth and right after You had me in this Psalm. Lord, may You continue to remind me of Who You are in my life so I can be who You desire for You. May You continue to be with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself as we do life without my Rickey. Lord, be greater than the hurts of life. I pray the memories we have will be blessings and not painful. Thank You for Susie Mankins taking my Momma to her appointment yesterday and for the good appointment! Thank You for all who love on my Momma with Your love! I pray Your love over others going through 'tough' days. My sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve;  Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Kristen Batten; Preacher Bill Watts; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Little Ivy and Dorothy's grandson with leukemia; Betty's friend in New York' and my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor; a set of twins who were born premature; and Kenny and Terri as Kenneth is deployed. Oh Lord, be so close to these families. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me with more of You. I desire to be Your reflection today. Thank You for being My Constant! Amen.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 - "Scars In Heaven"

 

Two months. Wow! How is it even possible it has been two months since my Rickey left this earth. In some ways it seems so much longer because I miss him so. I miss doing life with him. I was thinking about how even though we were seven hundred miles apart it was 'ok' because I knew he loved me and that was enough. He encouraged me greatly and let me know he cared about me. He would get so concerned when my 'hippy hippy shakes' came on even though he never actually saw them happen. As I reflect back on Ecclesiastes 3 this morning verse four stopped me in my tracks. A time to cry, a time to laugh; a time to mourn, a time to dance... My Rickey brought much laughter back into my life which healed my heart greatly with Doc's death. He allowed me to mourn in a way someone who did not know Doc would not have been able to do. Our many conversations about Doc helped me tremendously. My Rickey became my best friend because of the way he cared about me. He listened so well but was not afraid to give his opinion when needed. So, so many times he would say, 'Sheila Girl, you need to stop and rest.' My Daddy would say, 'Sheila Babe, you need to rest but don't stay there because you also need to move so the MS doesn't take over.' I had a 'season' with my Daddy in my life. I had a 'season' with Doc in my life. I had a 'season' with my Rickey in my life. All three of these men hold a special place in my heart. God blessed me with them in my life and continues to bless me with the memories I have of them. It seems like 2022 has been a season of sickness. It is unusual for me to get 'bugs' but this season has been just that. A virus a couple weeks ago and now COVID. I don't like to be down and especially when I don't even feel like doing anything. I have tried to read, write, cross-stitch, work on cards, etc. but instead I lay and do nothing. I do not understand this season but I don't have to understand. God knows the 'whys' of it. He knows when it will be over. He knows what symptom will rear its ugly head today. Yesterday was weird with nausea. This morning waking up with the sore throat back was not what I wanted but God is in control. Last night before going to bed I prayed for healing in not only my physical body but in my emotional being too. I thought about how two months ago I was so tired but I did not want to go to sleep because I knew when I woke up it would be my Rickey's last day on this earth. I am happy for him to be in heaven but oh how I miss him. I am jealous he is having the experience of being with Jesus and I know someday I will too. But until the time comes for me to go I must get better at sharing His love with all who God puts in my path. If I want to spend eternity with Jesus, I must spend my days with Him on this earth. I am reminded of the words of "Scars In Heaven" this morning...

I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away

The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now

Dear Jesus, Thank You for being with me through this COVID! Thank You for my tribe who check on me, do porch drop-offs, pray for me, etc! Thank You for helping me through the nausea yesterday! Lord, whatever today holds I know You are in control and I am thankful for this knowledge. Father, these two months since my Rickey left have been so challenging yet there have been so many blessings along the way. Thank You for my relationship with Anna, Michael, and Matt! I feel like I have a part of my Rickey with me when we talk or are able to be together. I pray continued prayers over all of us as we continue this journey of grief. I pray the same for many who have lost loved ones. May You be greater than the hurts of life. I pray for Your peace over: My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve;  Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Kristen Batten; Preacher Bill Watts; Rogera; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Little Ivy and Dorothy's grandson with leukemia; Betty's friend in New York' and my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor; a set of twins who were born premature; and Kenny and Terri as Kenneth is deployed. Oh Lord, be so close to these families. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me with more of You. I desire to be Your reflection today. Even though I will not leave the house I pray people will know You through me. Thank You for being My Season Maker! Amen.