Two months. Wow! How is it even possible it has been two months since my Rickey left this earth. In some ways it seems so much longer because I miss him so. I miss doing life with him. I was thinking about how even though we were seven hundred miles apart it was 'ok' because I knew he loved me and that was enough. He encouraged me greatly and let me know he cared about me. He would get so concerned when my 'hippy hippy shakes' came on even though he never actually saw them happen. As I reflect back on Ecclesiastes 3 this morning verse four stopped me in my tracks. A time to cry, a time to laugh; a time to mourn, a time to dance... My Rickey brought much laughter back into my life which healed my heart greatly with Doc's death. He allowed me to mourn in a way someone who did not know Doc would not have been able to do. Our many conversations about Doc helped me tremendously. My Rickey became my best friend because of the way he cared about me. He listened so well but was not afraid to give his opinion when needed. So, so many times he would say, 'Sheila Girl, you need to stop and rest.' My Daddy would say, 'Sheila Babe, you need to rest but don't stay there because you also need to move so the MS doesn't take over.' I had a 'season' with my Daddy in my life. I had a 'season' with Doc in my life. I had a 'season' with my Rickey in my life. All three of these men hold a special place in my heart. God blessed me with them in my life and continues to bless me with the memories I have of them. It seems like 2022 has been a season of sickness. It is unusual for me to get 'bugs' but this season has been just that. A virus a couple weeks ago and now COVID. I don't like to be down and especially when I don't even feel like doing anything. I have tried to read, write, cross-stitch, work on cards, etc. but instead I lay and do nothing. I do not understand this season but I don't have to understand. God knows the 'whys' of it. He knows when it will be over. He knows what symptom will rear its ugly head today. Yesterday was weird with nausea. This morning waking up with the sore throat back was not what I wanted but God is in control. Last night before going to bed I prayed for healing in not only my physical body but in my emotional being too. I thought about how two months ago I was so tired but I did not want to go to sleep because I knew when I woke up it would be my Rickey's last day on this earth. I am happy for him to be in heaven but oh how I miss him. I am jealous he is having the experience of being with Jesus and I know someday I will too. But until the time comes for me to go I must get better at sharing His love with all who God puts in my path. If I want to spend eternity with Jesus, I must spend my days with Him on this earth. I am reminded of the words of "Scars In Heaven" this morning...
I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away
The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now
Dear Jesus, Thank You for being with me through this COVID! Thank You for my tribe who check on me, do porch drop-offs, pray for me, etc! Thank You for helping me through the nausea yesterday! Lord, whatever today holds I know You are in control and I am thankful for this knowledge. Father, these two months since my Rickey left have been so challenging yet there have been so many blessings along the way. Thank You for my relationship with Anna, Michael, and Matt! I feel like I have a part of my Rickey with me when we talk or are able to be together. I pray continued prayers over all of us as we continue this journey of grief. I pray the same for many who have lost loved ones. May You be greater than the hurts of life. I pray for Your peace over: My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Tony and Madeline; Pete and Delores; Steve; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena and her husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Kristen Batten; Preacher Bill Watts; Rogera; those with COVID either themselves or in their family; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Patti Perkins; Tammie; Little Ivy and Dorothy's grandson with leukemia; Betty's friend in New York' and my friend diagnosed with mesothelioma. I pray for: Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor; a set of twins who were born premature; and Kenny and Terri as Kenneth is deployed. Oh Lord, be so close to these families. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me with more of You. I desire to be Your reflection today. Even though I will not leave the house I pray people will know You through me. Thank You for being My Season Maker! Amen.
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