John 6:40 - "Come What May"

This picture was taken a few months ago on one of my Rickey's trips to South Carolina. I remember this was one of the times we talked about who God was in our lives. I am thankful God gave me the privilege to share Him with my Rickey. I know it was through such talks that my Rickey came into a closer relationship with God. Praise His Holy Name! The desire of God's heart is for all to be in relationship with Him. It hurts my heart to see people who have not allowed Him into their life. Sometimes it is frustrating to share Him with people only to be rejected. So many times its seems like people get so close to accepting Him and then the enemy moves in and wipes away everything that was in the process. We must never give up. We must never let the enemy win. God is greater and in His time good things will happen. In our humanness it can be hard to wait on God's time but we must. In the waiting time we must be in His Word, praying, and seeking His direction. We must love with His love even when it seems hard to do. I was reminded this morning of what I read in the front of Doc's preaching Bible this week. He wrote, "Pray 'till you agonize over the souls of man!" Yes! This is exactly what all believers need to do. We need to not become complacent but instead need to press on praying and sharing God's love with people. We need to make sure we are living the way God desires so people will see Him in what we do and say. I pray every morning for God to cleanse me. I desire Him to show through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. I am thankful I have this relationship with Him. I woke this morning to these words from a song called "Come What May" that We Are Messengers sings...

There is deep joy that You give to me
Where hurt meets the healing is a holy thing
I see goodness, Your goodness
In all things

In every high, in every low
On mountaintops, down broken roads
You're still my rock, my hope remains
I'll rest in the arms of Jesus
Come what may

Yes! He is my Rock no matter what is happening in life. Someone asked me this week how I was doing and my reply was 'good.' I have moved from the 'ok' to 'good' and am thankful for every moment of the day God is with me on this journey of grief. I shared with Haydn last night that I am to the point where the tears are not flowing daily but I still am so lonely. She encouraged me greatly with our talk. God continues to put people in my path who love on me so well. He is such a good Heavenly Daddy. The words of Jesus in John 6 are ones that encourage me to not give up on life. They encourage me to not give up doing what I have been placed in Beaufort South Carolina to do and that is to share Jesus' love to all God puts in my path. 

Dear Jesus, Thank You for the opportunities You gave me yesterday to love with Your love and the ones ahead today! Thank You for the safe travels to the pastor's gathering last night and for Darrell riding with me! Thank You for Haydn encouraging me so greatly! You are such a good Heavenly Daddy and I am so grateful to have You in control of my life. I pray You will continue to guide me especially in these days of grief. I pray the same for Anna, Michael, and Matt as we all adapt to my Rickey being gone. The hurt is real and so overwhelming at times. Lord, help us. Cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May You ooze out of my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today in a mighty way. I pray blessings upon our efforts with removing the wreaths at the National Cemetery. I pray I will meet new friends and have opportunity to share You with them. Lord, I pray for so many going through 'tough' days to have someone who will share You with them to encourage them. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; Little Ivy; and my friend recently diagnosed with mesothelioma. My heart breaks with so many dealing with COVID themselves and/or family members. I pray for Baby Henry who is awaiting surgery. I pray his families will sense Your presence. I pray for Jonathan whose mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Oh Lord, be so close to this family. So, so many hurting situations. Thank You for being My Rock! Amen.

Psalm 5:3 - "Great Expectations"

It is a new day. Yesterday is past and tomorrow is yet to be. Today will be what I make it to be. I can either choose to allow God to be in charge or I can choose to give the enemy an open door. The choices I make today will have an eternal impact on not only myself but upon others as well. I know what is on the calendar but I do not know what God has in store for me. Yesterday was a 'tough' day with Marion but I cannot dwell on that. Today there are some things ahead the enemy could put fear upon me over but I cannot dwell on that. I love the words David penned in Psalm 5:3. It reads in the New International Version: In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. Expectantly is a great way to live. I love the words to a song Steven Curtis Chapman sings called "Great Expectations." 

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations

So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul
Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trustin' in a love that has no end
The Savior of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and

Yes! I am expecting great things from God! I am expecting continued healing in my grief. I am expecting wisdom with decisions with church issues. I am expecting to go deeper in my faith as I seek Him will. Plain and simple. I am expecting. Woo hoo! Not only am I expecting but I refuse to fret over things in life. In The Message Psalm 5:3 reads, Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for fire to descend. I need to lay all that is happening in my life on the altar and walk away. God will take care of each and every detail in His time. I cannot fret over the 'what ifs' or if I made right decisions. I must allow God to be Who He desires to be in my life so I can be who He desires of me to be. As long as I stay focused on Him I will make decisions He desires. I also will be blessed with His wisdom, joy, and peace. Woo hoo!

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for the reminder from Psalm 5:3 today to allow You to be in charge of the day ahead! Thank You for loving me so greatly and getting me through the 'tough' time yesterday with Marion! My heart breaks for her as she deals with pain. The tears in her eyes as I prayed with her blessed me in abundance. Thank You for her friendship! Thank You for encouraging me to look toward the day ahead and allow You to work in and through me! Thank You for continuing to be with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself on this road of grief! It hurts to not have my Rickey to talk to. Sometimes the hurt is so painful the tears fall. I am thankful when You bring memories to my mind of our time together. Thank You Father for all of the memories we made! Thank You for continuing to give us exactly what we need to get through the 'tough' days! I pray the same for many going through 'tough' days for a variety of reasons. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; Little Ivy; and my friend recently diagnosed with mesothelioma. My heart breaks with so many dealing with COVID themselves and/or family members. I pray for Baby Henry who is awaiting surgery. I pray his family will sense Your presence.  Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. I pray people will see/hear You through me. May You ooze out of my words, actions, thoughts, and attitude throughout the day ahead. Thank You for being My Great Expectation! Amen.

Psalm 32:11 - "Goodness of God"

"Pray 'till you agonize over the souls of man!" These are words Doc wrote in the front of his preaching Bible. I shared them last night in our Bible study group as we studied the parable of the ten virgins. This parable shows us how we need to be ready at all time for our last breathe on this earth. We never know when Jesus will return or call us home. It is comforting to know our loved ones who have gone on are with Him. But it also is disheartening knowing we have loved ones who refuse Him. What do we do about it? How can we change their hearts? We cannot do anything in our own power but in the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. He will direct our words and our actions to show them His love. He will soften their hearts to prepare them for the right time for Him to be presented to them. Waiting is hard yet it is something we all must do. It was interesting to read in Barclay's commentary about this parable. He said oil is recognized as a type of the Holy Spirit in both the Old and New Testament. He continues for us to be ready we must be filled with the Holy Spirit just as in this parable the ten virgins needed to have their lamps full. It is key to note in this parable the five wise virgins were prepared with not only their lamps but jars of oil. They were ready. This morning I am asking myself how I can be more ready. Not only how can I be more ready myself but what can I do to make sure others are more ready. I don't want anyone to spend eternity in hell. I want everyone to experience eternal life with Christ. My heart breaks for those who will not accept Him into their heart. They are more miserable because they do not have His peace. They make blatant mistakes because they do not have His wisdom. They hurt deeply because they do not have His love to be the soothing balm they need. It saddens my heart. I pray. I seek God's direction on how I can make an impact on their lives. I will forever ponder on Doc's words I read, "Pray 'till you agonize over the souls of man!" I will continue to pray and seek His will. I desire for all to celebrate the "Goodness of God" and be able to sing these words with meaning...

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
And in darkest night You are close like no other
I've known You as a Father
I've known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God, yeah

And all my life You have been faithful, ohh
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God, yeah

He is faithful at all time. He is with us as we allow Him to be. He desires to love on us in ways no one else can. All we have to do is accept Him into our heart and allow Him to be Who He desires to be so we can be who He desires us to be. I am so thankful for the short time I had with my Rickey. We had some deep conversations about death. At the time I did not think anything about it but now looking back on those conversations I see God was working to prepare him. His death was not what we were expecting but God knew it was his time to be called home. I am so thankful his home is with the Lord.

Dear Jesus, Thank You for Bible study last night, Doc's words written in the front of his preaching Bible that remind me to not give up praying for lost souls, for the opportunities You gave me yesterday to love with Your love, and for the way You will use me in the day ahead! Thank You for continuing to be with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself as we are on this journey of grief! May You be so real to each one of us. Thank You for loving on us so greatly! Lord, I pray for Your love to come down upon many who are having 'tough' days. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; Little Ivy; and my friend recently diagnosed with mesothelioma. My heart breaks with so many dealing with COVID themselves and/or family members. I pray for Duane who is having surgery this morning and for Baby Henry who is awaiting surgery. I pray their families will sense Your presence.  Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. I pray people will see/hear You through me. Thank You for being My Goodness! Amen.

Psalm 33 - "Weary Traveler"

The Lord took me to Psalm 33 this morning. I asked Him why He took me to the Psalms so often. He replied, "There is great wisdom to be found." I was so blessed as I read it in different translations. I heard a song yesterday that spoke volumes to me. I am sure I have heard it before but yesterday was different. The words to "Weary Traveler" are...

Weary traveller, restless soul
You were never meant to walk this road alone
It'll all be worth it so just hold on
Weary traveler, you won't be weary long

I know I am never alone and I also know what I need to do to get through this tough road with grief. I need to lean into Him and allow Him to be my strength. Psalm 33 is a song of praise. I know I need to praise Him through the 'tough' days and I strive to do so. I know I need to trust Him and I strive to do so. I know He loves me greatly and shows me in so many ways. As I look at this picture I am reminded of verse six in Psalm 33. It reads in The Passion Translation: All He had to do was speak by His Spirit-Wind command, and God created the heavenlies. Filled with galaxies and stars, the vast cosmos He wonderfully made. I remember my Rickey and I driving over off to Brickyard Road to see the sunset one night. It was a beautiful one! We were in awe of the beauty of God's creation. We talked about how blessed we were to experience such beauty. I praise God for this memory I have and the pictures I took. I praise Him for my time with my Rickey and the great things accomplished in both of our lives. In the middle of verse three of this Psalm it reads, Play His praises on instruments with the anointing and skill He gives you. I am thankful for the knowledge my Rickey is in heaven playing music. Sometimes I wonder if him and Doc are playing together. In my reading in my grief books it tells me it is 'good' to allow yourself to think about your loved ones. God heals our hearts through thinking about them. I am thankful God is with me on this journey. I honestly do not know how people do such things without Him. My heart breaks to see people trying to do life on their own strength. Matthew Henry writes of this Psalm:

Those that fear God and his wrath, must hope in God and his mercy; for there is no flying from him, but by flying to him. Let thy mercy, O Lord, be upon us; let us always have the comfort and benefit, not according to our merits, but according to the promise which thou hast in thy word given to us, and according to the faith thou hast by thy Spirit and grace wrought in us.

Yes! He is our Hope when we allow Him. Our faith will strengthen as we lean into Him. We must allow Him to be Who He desires to be in our life so we can be who He desires us to be. Even when our heart is broken we must lean into Him. Actually, maybe even more so at that time so the enemy does not have an open door into our life. 

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for the opportunities You gave me yesterday to love on people! Thank You for my time with little Jaxon! Thank You for prompting me to do a porch drop off meal to Amy's family! Thank You for continuing to be with this family! I also pray for the Nestor family and others who are dealing with illness. May Your strength be theirs in these 'tough' days. There just seems to be so, so many sick right now. Lord, may You be the Great Physician to all. I am thankful for those recuperating from recent surgery. Thank You for Matthew having a great follow-up appointment! Lord, there are so many who need a healing in their emotional being as they grieve. I pray Your supernatural empowerment over Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself on this road of life without Rickey. I pray You will be close to all who are grieving. I also pray You will be close to those going through 'tough' days. May all realize they may be a "Weary Traveler" but they are not alone. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; and Little Ivy. Father, I also pray for a friend who is undergoing testing for possible mesothelioma. Lord, be so real to her in these days. My heart breaks with so many dealing with COVID in themselves and/or family members. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. I pray people will see/hear You through me. Thank You for being My Radiant Hope! Amen.

Psalm 87 - "Something You Get Through"

I was reading in one of my grief books yesterday about how it is 'ok' to talk to those who have passed on. I had to chuckle when I read this. I am constantly talking to them. I walk through the house and see a picture and talk to them. I drive down the road and see something that brings up a memory and I talk to them. Even though our loved one is no longer with us we still have a relationship with them. I think talking to those who are no longer with us is easy because I carry on conversations with God all the time even though I cannot see Him. The difference is He speaks back to me. I love to hear Him say, 'Daughter...' Grief is perhaps one of the hardest things to work through on this earth. There are different stages and different emotions that come along with different deaths. I am so thankful to know my Daddy, Doc, and my Rickey are in heaven. I am thankful for the way my heavenly Daddy continues to bring memories to me of each of them to get me through 'tough' days. I also am thankful for the support system I have with my 'tribe' who love on me greatly. I woke up this morning from a dream the Lord blessed me with that touched my heart. In the dream I had time to sit over a meal with my brother Gene and his wife Bobbi. What a treasure! God heals our hearts in so many ways. Woo hoo! Grief is hard but God is greater! Praise His Holy Name! He gives us thoughts, memories, dreams, etc. to encourage us when we are feeling down. He speaks words of life over us when we feel like we cannot go on. He fills our empty emotional tanks up with hugs, phone calls, texts, etc. from people who show us His love. I know what God desires of me. He desires to shine brightly through me. He desires me to be joyful even through the 'tough' days of grief. He desires me to lean into His strength and His joy. Some days are definitely easier than others but no matter what He is with me. Woo hoo! This morning God took me to Psalm 87. The very last verse spoke volumes to me as I read it in different versions.

And the princes of God’s feasts will sing and dance, singing, “Every fountain of delight springs up from your life within me!” TPT

Those who sing and those who dance will say together, “All my fountains of joy are in You.” VOICE

As they make music they will sing, “All my fountains are in you.” NIV

God wants me to have His joy and to allow it to come out of me. He desires for people to see His joy in my life. I am joyful in the knowledge my loved ones are in heaven with Him. I am joyful in the ways He loves on me through these days of grief. I am joyful to bask in the memories He gave me. I am joyful to love with His love. I just have to allow Him to love me through all of the 'hard' times when the ugly tears fall. I have to allow him to love me through the times of loneliness. Yesterday the tears fell when I found the memory of a song my Rickey sent me after one of our many conversations about Doc. I am so thankful for those conversations and for the way he listened. When he gave me this song to listen to, it was part of the grieving process I was going through over Doc's death. Now I see God continues to use it in my grief over losing my Rickey.

It's not somethin' you get over

But it's somethin' you get through

It's not ours to be taken

It's just a thing we get to do

Life goes on and on

And when it's gone

It lives in someone new

It's not somethin' we get over

It's just somethin' you get through

Dear Jesus, Thank You for staying so close to me yesterday with it being one month since Rickey left this earth! Thank You for continuing to be with Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself as we are on this grief journey! I pray for others who are dealing with loss to experience Your joy. I pray for those who are going through 'tough' days physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and most of spiritually to  experience Your joy. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; and Little Ivy. Father, I also pray for a friend who is undergoing testing for possible mesothelioma. Lord, be so real to her in these days. My heart breaks with so many dealing with COVID in themselves and/or family members. I pray for recuperation for Coley's mother, Kaye, Wanda, FaDana, and Sue Danhoff. I pray for Sherry Patterson's mother who is having surgery today and for my dear friend Joyce as today is the second anniversary of her husband's death. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May I shine brightly for You whether I leave the house or not. I pray people will see/hear You through me. Thank You for being My Joy! Amen.

II Corinthians 5:1-10 - "What If?"

One month. How is it even possible it is has been one month since my Rickey took his last breath on this earth? My life changed drastically that day. Actually, my life changed on November 26 which was the last time I heard his voice and received a text from him. Communication between us happened throughout every day. I miss his calls and texts. I miss hearing his voice. When he was in the hospital and there was still hope for him to have restored health, I bought this frame at a thrift store for him for Christmas. He would have loved it for several reasons. One being it came from a thrift store which he loved shopping for treasures. Second, he always told me I took his breath away. This saying has deep meaning we all need to ponder upon. We never know when our last day on this earth will be. We need to be ready to see Jesus at all time. We also need to make the most of our time on this earth. We need to share Jesus' love with all we meet when He puts opportunities before us. We also need to have regrets in our relationships. There will always be questions in our minds of "What If?" but when we ponder upon them I pray they will not be questions that have an outcome on someone's eternity. I am reminded of Matthew West's song this morning....

What if today's the only day I got?
I don't wanna waste it if it's my last shot
No regrets in the end
I wanna know I got no what ifs
I'm running till the road runs out
I'm lighting it up right here right now
No regrets in the end
I wanna know I got no what ifs, yeah

I do not have regrets of my short time with my Rickey. Of course, there are the 'I wish I would have taken more pictures' or 'I wish we would have finished his book' or 'I wish we would have seen more dreams play out.' But none of those were in God's plan. His plan was to bring us together to heal our hurts. His plan was to open my heart to love again. His plan was to show Rickey His love through me. Plain and simple. His plan happened in both our lives. Praise His Holy Name! Paul's words in II Corinthians 5 give me comfort. These verses are entitled "Living By Faith" in The Passion Translation.

We are convinced that even if these bodies we live in are folded up at death like tents, we will still have a God-built home that no human hands have built, which will last forever in the heavenly realm. We inwardly sigh as we live in these physical “tents,” longing to put on a new body for our life in heaven, in the belief that once we put on our new “clothing” we won’t find ourselves “naked.” So, while living in this “tent,” we groan under its burden, not because we want to die but because we want these new bodies. We crave for all that is mortal to be swallowed up by eternal life. And this is no empty hope, for God himself is the one who has prepared us for this wonderful destiny. And to confirm this promise, he has given us the Holy Spirit, like an engagement ring, as a guarantee.That’s why we’re always full of courage. Even while we’re at home in the body, we’re homesick to be with the Master—for we live by faith, not by what we see with our eyes. We live with a joyful confidence, yet at the same time we take delight in the thought of leaving our bodies behind to be at home with the Lord. So whether we live or die we make it our life’s passion to live our lives pleasing to him. For one day we will all be openly revealed before Christ on his throne so that each of us will be duly recompensed for our actions done in life, whether good or worthless.

My Rickey's earthly tent folded up on December 10, 2021 but praise God he received his God-built home that day. I am jealous of all who have received their God-built homes. Both Doc and my Rickey told me they were not afraid to die but they weren't ready to leave. They both had life they wanted to experience. God had other plans. We that are left behind need to realize God's plans are always what is best. Even when we do not understand it is OK. All we have to do is allow God to be Who He desires to be in our life so we can be who He desires us to be. This Scripture encourages me to stay strong in my faith. I love the description of having a joyful confidence. I am striving to do so. I continue to pray for God to give me what I need to not just get through these days of grief but for Him to be glorified through them. Grief is hard but my God is greater. Woo hoo!

Dear Jesus, Thank You for the way You loved on me yesterday with the service and the feedback afterward! Thank You for Darrell and I being able to visit his Momma and my visit with Marion! Thank You for the healing that has occurred over this last month since my Rickey took his last breath on this earth! The hurt is deep but I know You are with me. I continue to pray for Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself for this journey. I pray Your strength to empower us when the tears fall. I pray for others who have lost loved ones to have this in their lives. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. I have no plans to leave the house today but I pray someone will see/hear You through me. I pray for many going through 'tough' days to feel Your presence in their lives. I pray for people to love on them with Your love. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt and her Momma Shirley; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousins; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; and Little Ivy. Father, I also pray for a friend who is undergoing testing for possible mesothelioma. Lord, be so real to her in these days. My heart breaks with so many dealing with COVID in themselves and/or family members. I pray for recuperation for Coley's mother, Kaye, Wanda, and FaDana. I pray for Sue Danhoff as she has surgery today. Thank You for being My Joyful Confidence! Amen.

Psalm 13 - "Heaven Help Me"

Every time I was awake during the night and again this morning the words to a song Zach Williams sings called "Heaven Help Me" were going through my mind. 

When I don't understand
When I don't I think I can
I know You have a plan
Heaven help me
Heaven help me

Help me, help me
'Cause I can't walk this road alone
And I can't do this on my own
Tell me, tell me
I just need to hear You say
That everything will be okay

This morning God took me to Psalm 13. David complained to God for not taking away his pain. As I read this Psalm I see David as in a state of depression. He feels like God is not doing for him what he needs. Verse three in The Passion Translation reads, Take a good look at me, Yahweh, my God, and answer me! Breathe your life into my spirit. Bring light to my eyes in this pitch-black darkness or I will sleep the sleep of death. There is such despair in his words. David acknowledges he is going to die if God does not rescue him from the 'junk' of life. This song and Scripture remind me of people who are so distraught over their present circumstances they are ready to give up. I was praying for one this week who appears to be in this state of mind. It saddens me how the enemy can not only get our focus offnGod but also put thoughts into our minds about how God does not love us, care about us, etc. No matter what we are going through in life we must realize God never leaves us. He is always there for us even when it seems like He has left us. Life is full of mountains and valleys. It is through both the mountains and the valleys our faith will grow. I am thankful for each time God stretched my faith. I may not appear to be joyful throughout the times of stretching but deep down I have His joy in my heart. I have His strength to get me through 'tough' days. Yesterday was a 'good' day with meeting with the ladies and then going downtown with Cait. After returning home and finishing up things for today the afternoon and evening drug on. I looked back through texts my Rickey had sent me and thought about how my Saturdays used to be with talking to him several times throughout the day. Even though we were seven hundred miles apart he encouraged me greatly. I miss that encouragement. I miss hearing his voice and receiving texts throughout the day from him. I miss so him so fiercely but I know God is with me. I like the words in the footnote of The Passion Translation. 

This is the psalm that describes the journey from self to God, from despair to delight, from feeling abandoned to feeling affirmed. It begins with pain and ends with praise. Moaning gives way to music. We each can take comfort in what David experienced.

I have been down this road before and know God is with me and has a plan for my life. I know this but I also am still hurting. I am thankful for friends who love on me so greatly. Most of all I am thankful for a God who loves me through the journey of grief. 

Dear Jesus, Thank You for the opportunity to pray for pastors during the night and again this morning! Thank You for being with each one of us who will be in the pulpit today! May we all preach what You desire of us. May we all feel Your empowerment no matter what we are going through in life. Father, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May I shine brightly for You today. Lord, I pray for those who are going through 'tough' days to have Your love showered over them. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Little Jensen who needs a heart; Sharon Sebolt; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or going through treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousin; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; and Little Ivy. Father, I also pray for a friend who is undergoing testing for possible mesothelioma. Lord, be so real to her in these days. My heart breaks with so many dealing with COVID in themselves and/or family members. Thank You for being with the surgeons for Coley's mother, Kaye, Wanda, FaDana, and Shirley this week! Thank You for continuing to be exactly what Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself need on this grief journey! May we lean into Your strength as we seek healing. Thank You for being My Helper! Amen.