I'm sitting here thinking about how easy it was to clear my calendar when I was told to "rest" and not be on my knee. It was almost as easy to clear it as it was to fill it. mmmm.....I think there is a lesson to be learned here. I've been filling my calendar up this summer because I physically could. I never know when the MS will hit and my "go" days will turn into "stop" days. The Lord has blessed me so much with many "go" days recently. Then I was blessed with this knee issue. Yes, I said "blessed" because I know it is part of God's plan. Why was I suddenly stopped when the things I was doing were good things? I don't know the answer to that question yet and maybe I never will know the answer but the Lord knows and that's all that matters.
Was I doing too much? Probably. When I do, others miss an opportunity to serve. Sometimes it's just easier to do things myself instead of asking someone else. But if opportunities aren't put before people, they don't always know about them.
Did I miss some opportunities the Lord put before me? I hope not but possibly. I know I was blessed through the opportunities the Lord gave me that I saw.
Did I need to realize just because I felt good I didn't need to do everything put before me? Most definitely. I think this is the key. It's ok to say "no" and not feel bad about it.
I think the hardest part of having MS is that I never know when I will wake up and not be able to function "normally" which is hard to deal with. There have been times I've lost clear vision, loss of legs and/or arms, not been able to think clearly and/or have brain and mouth work together, had to deal with hippy-hippy shakes....all kinds of things. So when I wake up and feel good it's hard to not go full force.
As I reflect on these recent "good days" where I was going full force I'm thankful I stayed close to the Lord. I'm thankful I was praising Him throughout my days. But I know I had to have missed something or He wouldn't have stopped me so abruptly. I am thankful though that my stop wasn't MS related. At least with the knee it's something that can be treated and go away. Unfortunately with the MS it doesn't happen like that. I am praying for no surgery but if that's what is needed then so be it. I know I'm in the Lord's hands. He's brought me through nine surgeries so far in my life so one more won't hurt me. My dear Daddy had over sixty in his lifetime. I sure don't want to reach that many! But if I do I know the Lord is in control and will watch over me.
Paul was in Ephesus in Acts 19. As he went around preaching and teaching the Lord gave him opportunities to heal people. Verses eleven and twelve are interesting...
11 God did extraordinary miracles through Paul, 12 so that even handkerchiefs and aprons that had touched him were taken to the sick, and their illnesses were cured and the evil spirits left them.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for this knee injury. I don't know all the reasons for it but I don't need to know unless you reveal them to me. I praise You that You have kept the MS under control. As I'm walking with these crutches and dealing with pain I must admit that at times I get fearful that the stress of this time will kick me into an MS exasperation. So Lord I'm praying for a hedge of protection around me from MS. I'm also praying for wisdom for the doctor as I go in tomorrow to get the MRI results. Lord, would You please keep me open to opportunities You put before me. I keep getting the sense the main reason for this injury is because I was doing things myself instead of asking others. I also pray that nothing evil has been allowed into my life to cause this knee issue. I pray against anything evil that may be lurking in my shadows. Lord, You are greater than evil. You are greater than everything and I praise Your Holy Name for that! Cleanse me Lord. Make my physical body whole, I pray in Your Name. Lord, thank You for being My Healer! Amen.
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