Revelation 3:20 - "Truth Be Told"

Another night of not being able to go to sleep makes for another long day. Once I go to sleep I sleep well. It is just getting to sleep that is the issue. I prayed and asked God to help me be able to go to sleep but I still struggled. I do not know what to do but I do know with this being the second night in a row with the issue I am struggling physically and emotionally. Maybe I need to get more exercise so I will be more tired. Or maybe I need to try some melatonin or something like it. It only seems to happen when I have to get up at a certain time to do something. I don't think I am worrying about such tasks but who knows. If someone asks me today how I'm doing, they may get an earful. Hopefully if they ask such a question they will want a truthful answer. A song Matthew West sings called Truth Be Told comes to my mind this morning.

Lie number one: You're supposed to have it all together
And when they ask how you're doin', just smile and tell them, "Never better"
Lie number two: Everybody's life is perfect except yours
So keep your messes and your wounds and your secrets safe with you behind closed doors

But truth be told
The truth is rarely told, no...

I say, "I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine"
But I'm not, I'm broken
And when it's out of control I say it's under control
But it's not and You know it
I don't know why it's so hard to admit it
When bein' honest is the only way to fix it
There's no failure, no fall
There's no sin You don't already know
So let the truth be told

I used to be guilty of saying I was 'fine' when I wasn't. I felt like people did not really want to know how I was doing but were being polite by asking. I got tired of struggling and I did not want to tell people I was over and over again. But God showed me that I needed to be honest when asked. People do not know how to pray if I am not honest. After Doc died I would respond with 'ok' when asked how I was doing. I remember telling someone I would be so happy when I could say 'good' or 'great' instead of just 'ok' when asked. It has been seven weeks since he left. Those seven weeks have been a time of great adjustment and hurt. There have been a lot of tears and I feel so lonely without him or Mordecei with me but I am having 'good' days. Yesterday as I watched a Christmas movie and worked on filling the grand babies stockings I was at peace. I thought about how Doc picked out Christmas gifts back in February for the boys and Mr. Beckett. The memory made my heart happy. I watched some videos Doc did the last few months and that made my heart happy. I would never have chosen this life but God has a reason for it and I must not only accept it but glorify Him through it. My friend Anthony shared with me some insight about loneliness. Revelation 3:20 reads, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me." One of Anthony's college professors said:

"Every person needs to hear this and every Christian needs to feel this. Christ, here, is telling us that opening your heart to the possibilities of relating to Him does not mean you will never be alone. You may be alone, but you don't ever have to be lonely. "

Anthony said when he feels alone he goes back to Revelation 3:20 and praises God for being with him. I love what he said about how they are praying for me. "I am trusting The Lord to assuage your loneliness and give you overwhelming peace and comfort as you dine with Him." Woo hoo! Yes! I know there are people all over the world praying for me and for that I am so grateful. If I did not have the support of my tribe, I would be lost. God gave me people to come along beside me to encourage me even when we are miles apart. This journey I am on is still new and I am still trying to adjust. Some days are definitely better than others. Yesterday was a 'good' day even though I was alone for most of it. My emotional tank was filled with these words from Anthony, brunch with Xavria, watching videos of Doc, etc. I still had times of the tears falling but they are part of the healing process. I still had times of asking God 'why?' but that is also part of the healing process. God is still in control. He has never left me. He continues to give me exactly what I need to not just get through these days but to glorify Him through them. I prayed yesterday for God to give me something 'fun' to do. I do not know what that something will be but I need it. I miss the days of Doc and I going for a ride and exploring our little neck of the woods. I miss trying new restaurants with him or going to new places to sight see. I just have such a desire to do something 'fun' even though I do not know what that will be. I need to make some new memories to go along with the ones I made with him and Mordecei. 

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for the blessings of yesterday and the ones ahead today! Thank You for the meeting with the school personnel that gave me excitement for our church! Thank You for Anthony's words that encouraged me greatly! Thank You for brunch with Xavria, putting Christmas stockings together for the grand babies while watching a Christmas movie, watching videos of Doc...all the ways You filled my emotional tank yesterday! Thank You for giving me a 'good' day! Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me so I can be a beacon of light for You today. May You shine brightly through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. I pray for continued healing for Shari, Joanne, Melanie, and so many others with physical needs. I also pray You will stop the tingling in my face/head. I pray for Your enlightenment on what I can do 'fun' to make some new memories. I ask for Your continued strength for all of us who have lost our spouses whether it be seven weeks ago, seven months ago, or seven years ago. May You be so very real to all. I pray for peace to come down on us as we work at the building today. I pray against discouragement, issues, etc. Empower me to speak words of life no matter what comes up. Thank You Jesus for being My Good Day Maker! Amen.