II Timothy 1:7 - "I Am Not Alone"

Yesterday when I came home from putting Mordecei down I was crushed with sorrow. Another loss within such a short time was overwhelming. Doc and I had discussed Mort's time getting closer but put off doing anything about it. I wish we would have done it while Doc was still with me but we didn't and there is nothing to do about it now. Mordecei's quality of life was deteriorating every day. With his eyes worsening he had falls and ran into things regularly. He was having accident issues in the house so I had to lock him in his crate when I was gone. The worst part of his life these last few months was the crying he did in his sleep. Up until a few days ago it was only at night but then the crying started during the day too. Some would say he 'was just a dog' but he was my companion through many things. Two cervical surgeries, multiple MS exacerbations, my Daddy's death, our move to South Carolina, Doc's health issues including the recent cancer and him leaving us...he was always there. Yesterday morning as I was sobbing he was there to love on me. As I held him when he took his final breath I was there loving on him just as I did the last eleven plus years. Dr. Brad used to tease me and say that I didn't have to worry about his expected life expectancy because he was 'pampered' and would live for years. I felt proud when the vet here said he was 'the healthiest geriatric bulldog' she had ever seen. We loved him so much and I will continue to keep him in my heart. He was probably one of the most traveled dogs ever especially in his first year of life. Swimming in the Atlantic Ocean at Folly Beach; visiting Nashville; seeing the Grand Canyon and all the states in between; hiking at Sedona, Arizona...oh my what a trip! He loved being with us just as much as we loved him being there. Yesterday when I was thinking about how quiet the house was without him snoring the Lord brought these words to my mind:

I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me
I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me

In the midst of deep sorrow
I see Your light is breaking through
The dark of night will not overtake me
I am pressing into You
Lord, You fight my every battle
And I will not fear

God did not bring me this far for me to fail. I just want to go to bed and cover up my head which is basically what I did yesterday. I know I can't do that every day no matter how much my heart hurts. Why did life have to change so drastically? Why did Doc have to suffer fifteen months and not receive a miraculous healing on this earth? Why did my four-legged buddy have to leave me? Why, God? Why? I'm thankful for the reminder He gave me yesterday that I am not alone even through these tough days. He will be glorified through my days as I allow Him. He will give me exactly what I need as I allow Him. He will be with me every moment of the day as I allow Him. Plain and simple. He will be exactly who I need Him to be for me as I allow Him. I do not have to fear the future but instead can stand in the knowledge I know I will spend eternity with Him. I do not understand the 'why' for all this loss in my life but I know Who does and that is enough. I do not have to fear the days ahead but instead need to stand on II Timothy 1:7 in His empowerment! He is with me and will continue to see me through these days. I was thinking about how I used to sign cards with Doc's name, my name, and Mordecei's name with his bone stamp. Then it was just my name and Mort's. Now it is just my name. That saddens me but I cannot allow the sadness to take my focus off of what God has me left here to do.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for loving me through another tough day yesterday! Thank You for the peace You gave me as Mordecei took his last breath! Thank You for Joanne who was with me and the way Dr. Guilloud helped the process to go easier than expected! Thank You for everyone who prayed me through yesterday! Thank You for the reminder that You are always with me and even though I am lonely I am never alone! Father, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May I have Your words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today in a new, different way. May You shine brightly through me and may people feel Your love through me. Father, I pray for Rick and his family with the loss of his mother. I also pray for Melanie for her appointment today. There are so many people going through tough days. May You be their strength just as You are mine. Father, I don't understand 'why' Doc had to suffer for fifteen months and then die but I know You have Your reasons. May You continue to teach me that I do not have to know all the reasons for what happens in life. Thank You for being My Enough! Amen.