January 1. A new year is ahead. So many people said they hoped it would be better than last year. 2021 was full of challenges yet it was full of blessings. I started the year off still in my contraption with the broken humerus from my fall. Thankfully I was able to function on my own but if I remember right I still was not driving. My year started off with talking/texting with Rickey to get to know him. He filled my days with laughter and love. Throughout the year we had the opportunity to get together in both South Carolina and Ohio eight times. During those times many wonderful memories were made. He 'talked me through' some big firsts in my ministry life. Getting into the church building, conducting a baptism service with five people being baptized, being ordained, taking in my first church members...so many exciting things. November 26, 2021 once again changed my life as I received the text from him asking me to call. When I called, he asked me to call the squad for him. He clearly was not thinking right or he would have called the squad himself. That was the last day I received a text from him, talked to him, and prayed with him being coherent. December 10, 2021 when he took his last breath my heart was broken. Once again I was 'alone' and hurting. In my head I know I am never alone but in my heart I feel alone. I no longer have a man taking care of me even though we were seven hundred miles apart, taking me out when we were together, listening to my hurts and my dreams, making memories with me and talking about our future. Right after midnight Pastor Sam sent me a text with Zephaniah 3:17. I read it again this morning and thought about what God wanted me to receive from it. There are some promises I am going to hold onto from this verse. First, He is with me (God is living among you). Second He is my mighty Savior. Thirdly, He delights in me and rejoices over me. Fourthly, He will calm all your fears. I do not feel fearful in the sense of being afraid of what is ahead. I dug a little deeper and read how in the Greek translation this means He will renew you with his love. Woo hoo! I like that! This verse can be taken personally and as a pastor. I need to live the way God desires so people will desire to live the same. I need to be the example of a godly lady so people will see how life can truly be blessed. I need to walk in His ways at all time so others will see how easy it is. Plain and simple. I need to be who God has called me to be. The only way for that to happen is for me to allow Him to be Who He desires in my life. I love these words of Matthew Henry: The great God not only loves his saints, but he loves to love them, is pleased that he has pitched upon these objects of his love. He will joy over them with singing. He that is grieved for the sin of sinners rejoices in the graces and services of the saints, and is ready to express that joy by singing over them. The Lord takes pleasure in those that fear him, and in them Jesus Christ will shortly be glorified and admired. I desire for all I do and say to glorify my Heavenly Daddy. There are some times where I feel like I'm floundering about and not able to focus for that to happen. Sometimes my emotions are so great my focus is off. Sometimes the enemy is fighting to get my focus off. Sometimes the hurts of life are so great my focus is off. BUT I know I must keep God in the center of my focus. I am reminded of the words to a song Zach Williams sings called "Heaven Help Me"...
When I don't understand
When I don't I think I can
I know You have a plan
Heaven help me
Heaven help me
Help me, help me
'Cause I can't walk this road alone
And I can't do this on my own
Tell me, tell me
I just need to hear You say
That everything will be okay
Dear Jesus, Thank You for the Scripture Pastor Sam sent me and for this song that encourages me! Thank You for a new year ahead! Thank You for being with me every minute of last year and for all the blessings You gave me! I am so grateful for time with my Rickey and for You giving me my bonus family. I continue to pray for Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself on this journey of grieving. May we all seek You. I pray for so many others who lost loved ones in 2021 to seek You. So, so many deaths. Along with deaths came losses of other kinds. I pray those who lost jobs, went through divorces, experienced relationship issues, etc. will seek Your will for their life. Lord, cleanse me so You can fill me. I pray for more of You and less of me so people will see/hear You instead of me. I pray for the day ahead to be blessed in abundance as I get to be with Ben's family. Woo hoo! I pray for those going through 'tough' days to have someone in their path today who will love them with Your love. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Carrie; Little Jensen who needs a heart; many with COVID; Sharon Sebolt; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c' and/or treatments...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousin; George and Sharon; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; and Little Ivy. Father, I also pray for a friend who is undergoing testing for possible mesothelioma. Lord, be so real to her in these days. I ask You to wrap Your loving arms around families who had recent losses. Bill, Ashley, Polings, and Jennifer's co-worker. I pray for a family whose loved one appears to be in her last hours. May they be surrounded by people who will love on them with Your love. I pray against pain in Matthew's recovery from shoulder surgery. Thank You for my time to meet and share lunch with John and AD Smitley! What a blessing they are to me! Lord, I pray You will open doors for them to move to South Carolina. Give them an openness to Your plan for their lives. Thank You for being The One To Help Me! Amen.
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