Yesterday felt like the longest day. I was emotional all day but when I sat down in the airport and thought about the last time I was there Rickey was still alive I lost it. The ugly tears started. I was thankful I was sitting by myself but I knew people still saw me. I prayed and asked God to heal my hurts. I posted on Facebook so people would say some prayers for me. By the time I sat in the airport at Charlotte I was doing better. The memories were with me throughout the day. I am so thankful for all of the memories we made in such a short time. This picture was of a time I picked Rickey up at the airport and surprised him with a picnic at Forsyth Park. It was such a beautiful day. We sat on a blanket eating and talking about our dreams. Afterward we walked along the waterfront and got caught in a downpour. The laughter flowed freely as we ran back to the car. As I walked out of Akron Canton Airport last night I was reminded of the first time I met Rickey in person. He picked me up at the airport to take me to my Momma's house. We had been talking for a few weeks and when he found out I was coming to Ohio he offered to pick me up. He took me out for a steak dinner and we talked. I remember I was still in my shoulder harness so he had to cut my steak. Oh the memories. It seemed like we loved each other from the very beginning. As I think about that I wonder if God gave me his love quickly because he was going to be taken from this earth. My heart hurts so greatly. I am reminded of Paul's words in Philippians 1 about life and death. I am so grateful to know my Daddy, Doc, and my Rickey are with the Lord. I am grateful each of these men in my life had a relationship with Him. I was reading an article that talked about death being a beautiful thing. It is a beautiful thing in the sense people who are in relationship with Him are with Him. It is a beautiful thing thinking they are no longer in pain or have disease in their body. I am grateful my Daddy received a new body with no more cancer. I am grateful Doc did not have to live in a body that had suffered a stroke. I am grateful my Rickey no longer has a machine breathing for him. In the midst of my gratefulness there is deep hurt for all the memories never to be made. I miss the morning phone calls from my Daddy. I miss doing life with Doc. I miss making more memories with Rickey. But even though I miss these men greatly I would never wish them back from heaven. They are where I long to be. If I had my druthers, I would be there with them but God is not finished with me on this earth. Until He calls me home I need to get better at loving on others with His love and walking in obedience to His will. This morning I am reminded of a song Chris Tomlin sings called "Home"...
I'm goin' home
Where the streets are golden
Every chain is broken
Oh I wanna go
Oh I wanna go
Home
Where every fear is gone
I'm in your open arms
Where I belong
Home
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for the blessings of yesterday and the ones ahead today! Thank You for loving me so greatly! Thank You for putting people in my life who reach out to me just at the right time like yesterday with Jim, Debbie, and Robin! Thank You for Sally picking me up at the airport and for my Momma getting to see Christmas lights! Thank You for helping the holidays to be a part of the healing process for Anna, Michael, Matt, and myself! Thank You for continuing to be with us as we figure out life without Rickey! Father, cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May people see/hear You instead of me today. May I shine brightly for You. Father, I pray for Bill Tschiegg's family as they grieve. I pray for all who have lost loved ones to think about death as being beautiful because our loved ones are with You. My Momma shared last night that even though it has been eight years since Daddy went to be with You it seems like this year the holidays have been the hardest for her. Grieving comes and goes and causes so many emotions in us. May we all lean more into Your strength. I pray for many going through 'tough' days to receive Your strength and peace. My Momma; my sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Tony and Madeline; Cait; Mike; Norma Hall; Carrie; Little Jensen who needs a heart; many with COVID; Sharon Sebolt; the Pottenger Family; Serena's husband; some young ladies with anxiety; a man in rehab for anger issues; a young man out of rehab who needs strength in his daily walk; a husband/father separated from his wife; Cyndi; Daniel; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many who are dealing with 'c'...Doug and Gay; Sharon's daughter Ashley and niece Amy; Chrissy's cousin; George and Sharon; Ashley's father-in-law; Cait's friend with leukemia; my pastor friend with daily chemo; Elaine Stoltzfus; Tammie; and Little Ivy. I pray for You to guide the surgeon's hands as Sheri has surgery today. I pray Your peace over Jennifer's coworker whose mother appears to be in her last days on this earth. Lord, empower us through the hurts of life. Thank You for being My Home! Amen.
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