Yesterday was an emotional roller coaster. Going to the oncologist expecting to hear Doc's cancer had spread to the liver was an appointment we dreaded yet wanted to hear what she would say. When I prayed before going in, I told Doc I was to the point I didn't know how to pray anymore. I feel like giving up at times on praying for a healing in his body but I know I can't. As we waited for her to come in, you could feel the tension in the room. She walked in with a smile and I wondered what was going on. Then she said it was not cancer and the questions started flying. "What was it...could it turn into cancer...does this mean the surgeon is still in the picture..." We were grateful to the Lord for the news and yet we were numb. The emotions that were all over the board just took another turn. It does not matter how strong your faith is when you are dealing with such situations emotions will still go crazy. We are human beings. It is just like my tears. They are normal for a human being. God made us with emotions. He does not expect us to not show them. I'm grateful for a husband that 'allows' me to show them. I know there are many wives who are not allowed to cry. In fact, I know of some parents who tell their children to not cry. I see it especially with fathers and boys. "Men don't cry!" is not a true statement. It makes me think about when people say "real men don't wear pink"! Yes, men do cry and yes, real men do wear pink. Men who know their worth in the Lord do both. We all need to remember who our Creator is and how He made us. Last night as I was working with the children and teens Mr. Gavin made the comment about how he loved God because He created us. I love his statement! A simple statement with a ton of meaning behind it. He created us. That is enough reason to love Him! If He would not have created us, we would not be here today. We would not have the privilege of life if He would not have created us! Him being our Creator is just the tip of the iceberg on why we should love Him. He's our Healer, our Redeemer, our Strength, our Empowerment, our Peace...the list goes on and on. I know I love Him because He loves me. God loves me enough that He had His only Son die for me. He loves me enough that He is always with me. His love gives me exactly what I need, when I need it. That is enough reason for me to love Him. As I thought of Gavin's words, I was in awe. Out of the mouths of babes. Our group was small last night due to different situations but the ones that were here experienced God's love. Praise His Holy Name!
Dear Jesus,
Thank You seems inadequate to say for the way Doc's appointment went yesterday. I pray You will empower him to get through the chemo today without such harsh side effects as last week. I continue to pray for healing in his body from this cancer. I also pray for continued wisdom for doctors. May today's treatment be the one to shrink this mass so surgery can be done to remove it. Lord, today is a new day and even though I am starting out slow I pray You will use me today to love with Your love, to proclaim Your peace, and to lead others to You. Cleanse me so You can fill me. I pray You will remind the children and teens something they heard or felt last night. Draw them closer to You. Father, thank You for baby Finn's successful heart surgery; Caylin's successful foot surgery; and for the way You are going to work through the doctors with Mike's a-fib. Thank You Jesus for being My Everything I Need! Amen.
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