“I grow up and I become a public figure, and I sing and I write books and I have a podcast and my voice is heard by a lot of people,” West reflects. “There’s a tendency once again to pretend, even if you’re struggling, because it’s not easy for anybody, let alone having a public platform to admit when you’re struggling in any area of your life. That really brings about kind of this nagging feeling in your life that you’re living something less than an authentic version of who you are."
I do not want to ever live "something less than an authentic version" of myself. Sometimes that is hard such as with the loss of my Momma. I not only lost my Momma but my friend and confidant. I lost someone who even though we were seven hundred miles apart we were still connected daily through phone conversations until she went into the nursing home. I am feeling such loss. There is so many things that were put off over the last couple of months due to being in Ohio a lot, scheduling her night care while she was still home, making sure she was taking her medicine and eating even from across the miles, etc. I am overwhelmed with trying to play 'catch up' and get things accomplished yet still figure out this grieving process. You would think I would have it 'down pat' by now with all the losses I have experienced in less than three years. Part of me feels like wanting to run away from life and sleep, rest, do nothing, etc. I know that is not possible but I also know I have to have some self-care in my daily routine in order to grieve. Yesterday as I waited on Doug at the DMV I walked. I was determined to get a walk in at the water later in the day but that didn't happen with many phone calls happening and then board meeting last night. I was disappointed in the outcome of the day in many ways but especially with not getting a 'real' walk. God speaks to me through nature and I know if I would have been out in it yesterday my disposition would have been so much better. Today is another day. Once again I will strive to have self-care in my day. God desires us to take care of ourselves. His Word tells us in Proverbs 4:23, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. These words show the importance of taking care of ourselves. I was thinking this morning about how we must love ourselves in order to take care of ourselves. That may sound strange to people but when you think about Luke 10:27 it tells us we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. We can't love others if we don't love ourselves first. I was reading an article that talked about how it is essential we take time to make sure our physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual bodies are healthy. When we do this, we will realize the ability to love others better. God's Word gives many examples of Him practicing self-care. Exodus 31:17 and Mark 6:30-45 tells us He rested. Sometimes, as a pastor, I feel like I can't take time for myself because people need me. Mark 4:35-41 shows Jesus resting even though there were many who needed Him. The words to this song are what I'm feeling these days...
I say, "I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine"
But I'm not, I'm broken
But I'm not, I'm broken
This picture Doug took of me Saturday at Stan Hywet Gardens has great meaning. God has told me many times over these last three years that I will be 'fine' as I lean into His strength. He gave me Isaiah 43:18-19 to ponder upon. Right now I feel like I am in the wilderness in these days without my Momma on this earth. I do not want to just 'wander around' but I also know I need to allow God to do something new in me. I know I need to be open to His healing. I think about the caterpillar who thinks life is over only to emerge into something more beautiful. I know I will come out stronger after experiencing this loss. I also know God is here to encourage me through these tough days. I know these things but my heart aches. To think I will never hear my Momma say, 'I love you Sheila Babe!' brings tears.
Dear Jesus, Thank You for my husband who loves me well! Thank You for another day of life ahead! May I carve out time for self-care today. Cleanse me so You can fill me to overflowing with more of You. May people see/hear You through my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts. I pray for many going through difficult days to realize the need for self-care. My sisters Linda, Sally, and Mary; my brother Richard; Ben and Colleen; Pete and Delores; Steve; Cait; Rhonda; Mike; Norma Hall; Jack and Paula; Sharon Sebolt and her parents; some young ladies with anxiety; a young man out of rehab; Mary Lilley; a husband/father separated from his wife; Brooklyn; Kristen Batten; April; families in turmoil; Gay and Doug; Sherry; and many others. I also pray healing prayers over many dealing with ‘c’ and/or going through treatments…Audrey; Chrissy’s cousin; Shirley Jones; Little Ivy; Little Judson; Little Roselynn; a young girl in our community; a lady whose breast cancer has returned; a lady diagnosed with stage two breast cancer; a lady diagnosed with throat cancer; Mr Mullett; Marybeth's friend; David; and Damon. I pray for: Rebecca as she awaits surgery; Sue with the loss of her husband; the Long family; Becky; Russ; and a couple having marital issues. Thank You for continued healing for Pastor Tommy and Pam! Thank You for being My Care Taker! Amen.
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