M.S. fatigue hits me when I am stressed and/or tired. It is something I try to avoid if at all possible. I try to not be stressed but when you see the man you love suffering it is so hard. I just want to 'fix' it. I want to take away his pain and agony. I know I can't. I know I just need to keep praying for God to heal him. As I wait, I wonder. Many 'whys' come into my mind.
Why does God not heal him now?
Why does Doc have cancer to begin with?
Why do we keep having so many issues in life on this earth?
Why....
This morning when Mordecei got up at 5:30 to go outside I asked God 'why?' did I have to get up so early when I had trouble going to sleep last night. Another 'why?' His answer came in a song Chris Tomlin sings called Nobody Loves Me Like You.
Mountains
You're breaking down the weight of all my mountains
Even when it feels like I'm surrounded
You never leave my side
Nobody loves me like you love me Jesus
I stand in awe of your amazing ways
I worship you as long as I am breathing
God you are faithful and true
Nobody loves me like you
He reminded me of the encouragement He provided yesterday as I looked through a new Bible Doc got me. It is a journal Bible that I have wrote down Scripture and words of encouragement on this journey with Doc's pancreatic cancer. Tears fell at times as I was reminded of just how much God loves us. He never leaves us. He especially pours His love into us when we are going through tough times. He broke down the 'mountain' of my breast cancer and He will break down the 'mountain' of Doc's cancer. Even though I don't understand the 'why' of his situation, I do know God is with us through it. This morning when I was talking with God, I told Him it would be wonderful to wake up with Doc healed or even if he wasn't healed yet to at least feel good. He reminded me healing will happen but in His time. Another 'why?' comes to my mind. Why, with all the people around the world who are praying for his healing, is it not God's time for it to happen? I remember a few weeks ago when Doc testified that if it took his situation or his death to bring our boys closer to God then so be it. Those are tough words for most people to say but that is his heart. If one person comes to know the Lord through our circumstances, we would be doing what God has called us to do. We know where we are going when we leave this earth. We have nothing to fear. God made us to be empowered by His Spirit so we do not have to fear. He enables us to stay strong in His Spirit as we live a live of obedience with Him. II Timothy 1:7 has been with me in such a way that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am empowered to be His obedient servant. A Psalm 91 way of life enables me to live out II Timothy 1:7. The answer to 'why?' I live such a life was my reminder this morning. "Nobody loves me like You love me Jesus!" Woo hoo!
His love is with me and will empower me to make right decisions.
His love will flow from me into others as I allow it.
His love enables me to not only hear His Voice but to walk in obedience to it.
His love will not only see us through this 'mountain' but it will see this 'mountain' broken down.
I am standing on His love today in a new way. I feel more empowered to start this day than I did before. He will be my Refuge and Strength no matter what the day holds. He will empower me to do what He desires in and through me. Woo hoo! I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I will walk in His presence today as I allow Him to love others through me. What an encouragement He is to me!
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for the ways You encourage my heart! Thank You for the reminder that You will heal Doc in Your time! Thank You for putting up with my 'why?' questions! Thank You for the blessings of yesterday and the ones ahead in this day! Father, cleanse me so You can fill me. Would You please be my words, actions, and attitude throughout this day in a new, different way? I pray Doc will feel better today. I pray You will give him strength in his body. I also pray for Elizabeth who will have shoulder surgery today to feel Your strength. Lord, these earthly bodies are just temporary. I pray for more people to realize the need to be right with You. I pray for more people to come to the end of themselves and allow You to be in control of every aspect of their lives. Father, may You be greater in me so people see/hear You instead of me today. Thank You Father for being My Why Answer! Amen.
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