I don't wanna hear anymore
teach me to listen
I don't wanna see anymore
give me a vision
That you could move this heart
to be set apart
I don't need to recognize the man in the mirror
And I don't wanna trade your plan
for something familiar
Yes! I want to be "Different." But to be that there are some things I need to do and some things I need to not do. I need to be more Christ-like. In order to be that I must submerge myself in Him, in His Word, etc. I must do more than just hear Him. I need to listen to Him and walk in obedience. As I become more like Him, His love will ooze out of me in a mighty way. Also as I become more like Him, I will no longer have the desire in my heart to be nasty, crabby, etc. Instead I will be empowered by the Holy Spirit to have a joyful heart no matter what the circumstances. Maybe that is why He woke me with this song. I am so physically tired that I feel like I can't go. I've tried resting extra but that has not helped. I've asked the Lord what I need to do but have not heard anything specific. Sometimes I think the activities of the holidays can just be too much. Not only can they be physically draining but they are also emotionally draining. The distraction of my breast cancer last year definitely was just that...a distraction. This year it has hit me even more so about being away from family for the holidays. Yesterday when I was asked, "Sheila, am I a bad Christian for just wanting it to be January? I use to love celebrating Jesus' birth but there is just too much going on in my family. I haven't even done my Christmas cards yet." I reassured her that she was not a bad Christian. There is just a lot of 'junk' happening that can take our focus off of Him. As I thought about her questions throughout the day I was overwhelmed with how many times I've allowed the 'junk' of my little world take my focus off of Him. Sometimes that 'junk' is just the open door the enemy needs to pull us down. We must be 'prayed up' at all times to stay on our toes against the enemy. Yesterday as I read the Christmas story to Mr. Eli we focused on the angels response in Luke 2 when they were told of Jesus' birth...
The angels were praising God for the birth of the Messiah. Tuesday night as the children made nativity's they were excited. Yesterday as we did the "Giving Project" at the school where the children earned 'money' to buy their parents/grandparents gifts for Christmas they were so excited. They could hardly contain themselves as they watched the ladies wrap the gifts they picked out. Yesterday as I read the Christmas story to Mr. Eli he had a big smile on his face. Maybe the 'secret' for Christmas is to look at it through the eyes of a child. Instead of getting caught up in everything that we are missing maybe we need to focus on what we already have been given...the best gift of all...Jesus.
Dear Jesus,
I am so sorry for all the times my focus has left You. Please forgive me for allowing the hurt in my heart over being away from family to deter me from doing/saying what You have for me. The words to this song, "And I don't wanna trade Your plan for something familiar..." hit me hard this morning. I know we are where You want us to be. I know it. It is definitely not what we've always known or 'familiar' but it is where You have put us. Oh Lord, help me to do better at being away from family. Enable me to be stronger. Empower me with your supernatural strength. Lord, I pray the tears that are falling will have a cleansing effect on my spirit. Cleanse me and fill me with more of You so people will see/hear You instead of me today. I pray for Your strength for Doc today in not only his physical body but most importantly his spiritual body. Thank You Jesus for being Our Savior. Amen.
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