This morning the Lord took me to Psalm 99 which reminds us to worship Him. It also is a reminder to continue to call upon Him because He will answer. As I read verse six about that I thought about how I have been calling on Him for healing in these legs. The healing hasn't happened but I will not quit asking. Yesterday I did a lot of thinking about what if this is my new normal. There will be a lot of adjustments if it is but at least if it is it isn't my sight that is gone. If I have to depend upon help with walking the rest of my life, I will adjust because the Lord is with me. It's kind of funny how He woke me up to Matt Maher's "Hold Us Together" this morning. The part that goes like this is what I must hold onto...
When you're on your knees then...
Love, will, hold us together
Make us a shelter
to weather the storm
And I'll, be, my brothers keeper
So the whole world will know
That we're not alone
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright, s'gonna be alright
Yes, I can "...still see the light"! Woo hoo! God doesn't promise that life will be perfect. But He does promise that when we go through troubles on this earth He will give us peace. I have His peace in that whatever is ahead I know He is with me. The waiting on what will happen from this point on is the hardest for me. I think back on my diagnosis twenty-one years ago and how we were just happy to have a diagnosis after four months of testing. I remember Doc saying, "Well, now we know what we need to deal with and will do it." That is kind of where I am today. I just want to know if this is my new normal. If it is, then adjustments need made in life. This song reminds me God's love will get me through this. It also will be what I desire others to see in me as I "weather the storm" that is raging in my body.
Another thing I thought about yesterday was the going deeper in my faith. Perhaps this flair-up is for that purpose. Maybe the Lord is using it to take me deeper. Maybe I didn't get all He was trying to get me to see in going deeper so He had to put this before me in order for me to grasp something. Maybe the desires of His heart are for me to go so deep that in my ordinary life I couldn't do it. Maybe He wants to empower me with His love in a whole new way...much deeper than ever before. Maybe, maybe, maybe...woo hoo! I get so excited to think about where He is taking me. It is kind of ironic that I say that when at this moment my legs can't carry me on their own. Let's see...my legs won't work on their own which means I have to have assistance. Maybe I was/am trying to be too independent and not relying enough on Him. Maybe that is the reason for this flair-up. Or maybe it is because someone else needs to see how I handle this time.
I love the words of Matt Maher about this song:
“To love is to risk and be promised extraordinary highs and lows; it will help you soar through the highs, and carry you through the lows, so you can help carry your neighbor through.”
"Our Prophet and High Priest, of infinitely greater dignity than Moses, Aaron, or Samuel, has received and declared to us the will of the Father. Let us not only exalt the Lord with our lips, but give him the throne in our heart; and while we worship him upon his mercy-seat, let us never forget that he is holy."
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for loving me so deeply. Thank You for reminding me this morning that "It's gonna be alright, s'gonna be alright." You are so awesome! Lord, deeper...deeper...take me deeper in relationship with You. Father, cleanse anything out of me that doesn't belong. I pray against depression having any part of me. Lord, use this time to be a beacon of light for others to see You in me. Fill me to overflowing with more of You and less of me. Father, today I sing "This is the first, day of the rest of your life" with the knowledge that my faith in You will take me wherever You lead me to. I know You are with me and will guide me. If not having full use of my legs will take me to where You want me to be, so be it. But I will say once again, Lord please heal me but only if it is Your plan do I want that to happen. I probably am not making sense but I just want to be where You want me to be. If that takes legs that don't function, so be it. Thank You Jesus for being My Encourager! Amen.
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