II Timothy 1:7 - "Truth Be Told"

Recently people have looked at me with a weird look on their face when my response to how I am doing is 'good.' I don't know if they think I am lying, if they think there is no way I could be 'good' with what I have gone through over the last few months, or what. I feel like I am doing 'good' instead of just being 'ok.' I still have my moments of tears but that's ok. They are part of my healing process. I still have times of feeling lonely but that is to be expected. I miss Doc and Mordecei tremendously but I know they are both out of pain. I miss having Doc to talk to, go for a drive with, make memories with, etc. But I would not wish him back for anything with the pain he had and especially with the way he was after the stroke. I would not have ever thought I would be a widow at the age of fifty-nine but I am. I cannot change that but I can and do allow God to be my strength through these days. Matthew West's song Truth Be Told is on my mind. 

Lie number one: You're supposed to have it all together
And when they ask how you're doin', just smile and tell them, "Never better"
Lie number two: Everybody's life is perfect except yours
So keep your messes and your wounds and your secrets safe with you behind closed doors

But truth be told
The truth is rarely told, no...

I say, "I'm fine, yeah, I'm fine, oh, I'm fine, hey, I'm fine"
But I'm not, I'm broken
And when it's out of control I say it's under control
But it's not and You know it
I don't know why it's so hard to admit it
When bein' honest is the only way to fix it
There's no failure, no fall
There's no sin You don't already know
So let the truth be told

I had many times of saying "I'm fine..." during the days of the cancer in Doc's pancreas and in his last weeks after it spread to his spine, hips, etc. I would tell people that when I was hurting so badly. I felt like people would not understand what I was going through. Sometimes when I was truthful with what I was experiencing I felt like people didn't know how to response to me and it made them feel bad. Therefore, I would just put a smile on my face and push through. We cannot understand everything people go through but I try to allow God to give me His words to say when I know people are hurting. I also try to focus on Him and His Word so I will have insight to share with people. II Timothy 1:7 was my go-to verse throughout the time with Doc's cancer and death. I was determined to not allow the enemy an open door into our lives and I knew I needed to live in the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to make sure he stayed out. Praise His Holy Name for the strength I receive from that verse.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for Your love, mercy, and grace! Thank You for the blessings of yesterday! The visits with: Elizabeth, Rhonda, Marion, Colette, Carringtons, Darryl, and Chrissy. The gifts from Rhonda and my secret sisters were so thoughtful. Thank You for the phone call from Paul! Thank You for the hugs from Miss Lilly! You gave me such a blessed day and I am grateful for every aspect of it! I was so tired when I woke up and You provided a nap before my day got going. Thank You for giving me exactly what I need when I need it! Cleanse me so You can fill me today with more of You. May You flow out of my words, actions, attitude, and thoughts today in a mighty way. I pray for Your blessing over packing shoeboxes today. I wish the kids could have been involved but with the COVID it just wasn't possible. I miss being with them on Tuesday nights so much and pray we can be together again soon. I pray Your peace over Jeff with the loss of his mother last night. I pray he will lean into You to get through the days ahead. Thank You for continuing to empower me through the healing over Doc's​ death!  Thank You Jesus for being My Strength! Amen.