II Timothy 1:7; Numbers 6:24-25 - "Just Be Held"

The evening this picture was taken was one that I was filled with joy. I had just finished my interview for ordination and approved by the District board. I was elated to say the least. I was so excited to finally be at this point in my journey. What a blessing! It was also a blessing to have Doc with me that evening. He had started a new chemo just two days before that was stronger than he had ever received and was wore out. The drive over to the campground and back was taxing but he was with me. We both were tired but it was a 'good' tired. August 2 was the date set for the ordination service. That is the day after my birthday so it was going to be a great weekend of celebration. That word 'was' is small but very meaningful. When I received the call yesterday telling me the General Superintendents postponed the service due to COVID19 spreading, the tears flowed. 'Why, God? Why? I don't understand why life is so hard. Isn't dealing with the cancer in Doc's pancreas enough of a load?' I felt like I couldn't stop crying. I want my husband to walk me down the aisle when I am ordained. I see him struggling every day to function as he gets weaker. 'Why, God? Why?' Some people would get angry but I don't have the energy to do so. Some people would become bitter but it wouldn't do any good. God reminded me that He has everything under control. I will admit it sure doesn't feel like it. It feels like everything is falling apart but that's what the enemy wants me to think. He wants me to think God doesn't love me or has left me. I know better. God does love me and is still right here with me. He is holding me and wiping my tears away. This morning the song Just Be Held by Casting Crowns is on my heart. Oh my, how I can relate to these words...

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

Yes! I have to lay the situation with the Ordination Service at His feet. I have no control over it. I already have put Doc's health at His feet and continue to wait on a healing. God has already blessed us with over fourteen months which is a miracle in itself but I continue to ask for more. Am I being selfish? I don't believe so. I'm just being a wife who loves doing life with her husband and desiring more time to do so.

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for the tears that were shed yesterday because I know my faith is stronger today because of them! Thank You for giving Doc strength for board meeting last night! Oh how I pray for him to gain more strength today. I pray he would feel Your empowerment today in a new, different way. I pray both of us would be more intentional in standing on II Timothy 1:7. Cleanse us so You can fill us. May You be our words, thoughts, attitude, and actions today in a great way. May people hear/see You instead of us. Thank You for Chris doing out yard yesterday! What a blessing our neighbors are to us! Father, protect my friend Marion and my friends in the assisted living facility as one has been diagnosed with COVID19. My heart breaks for all of them and their families. I also pray for David as he continues to recuperate from his accident. Praise Your Holy Name he is able to talk! I praise You for Alex's promotion with the police department! Lord, You are so wonderful! I pray You will empower me to stay focused on You today. When the tears come, may You wipe them away with Your gentle touch and hold me close. Life is so, so hard right now but I am grateful to have You with me. Use these 'tough' days to stretch my faith and take me deeper. I pray the same for many of my friends going through 'tough' days. Mike Hignight; Norma Hall; Craig Rench; my sister Linda; Carletta; Daniel; Judy; and so many others. Thank You Jesus for being The One To Hold Me! Amen.