Once again the Lord woke me up with Psalm 118:24. My first thought was I don't feel like rejoicing. How can I rejoice as I think about this being the second anniversary of my Daddy's death? Two years ago at this very moment he was still alive. He was close to leaving this earth as he had his last moments with my Momma but he was still alive. Getting the phone call from her was so horrible. I was so sad she was alone yet in looking back on it I know it was the perfect way for him to die. Just him and my Momma. After sixty-six years of marriage there was no better way to leave this earth. In his own home, peaceful, and having one last conversation. But even as I think back on that today I tear up because I miss him so much. He was my greatest encourager. I looked forward to his phone calls every day and oh how I miss hearing, "Sheila Babe, how are you?" If I told him I was feeling good, his response was "That's my girl." If I told him I was feeling bad, he would tell me to take it easy and rest but to make sure I didn't stay down.
So once again I ask the Lord how do I rejoice today with so much pain? How do I not just spend the day in tears? How can the pain feel like he left us just yesterday? The Lord reminded me that my Daddy is no longer in pain as he was on this earth. He is no longer dealing with the cancer that had taken over his body. He is whole once again. I never knew my Daddy as whole because he was always having a surgery or an illness. I can't imagine how he even would feel. As I think about my Daddy and his outgoing personality here on this earth I wonder how he is enjoying heaven. Is he up there hugging everyone? I don't think we will need encouraged in heaven but if there is someone who needs encouraged I am sure he is doing that.
I do wish my Daddy could see my grand babies. I also wish he knew how the Lord is working in and through me. I wish he could have heard about and seen our trip to Israel. But I wouldn't wish him back to this earth for anything. He is where he should be. I do wish I were with my Momma today. I know it will be a hard day for her. I'm praying she is basking in memories. I also hope she knows it's ok to cry...tears are part of the healing process.
So once again I ask the Lord, how can I rejoice today? Simple. Allow Him to work in and through me as I remember my Daddy. I will rejoice because he made a difference in so many people's lives while on this earth. I will rejoice because he loved me enough to teach me important lessons in life. I will rejoice because his words of encouragement over the last years with the MS stay with me each and every day.
I will rejoice because today is the twenty-first anniversary of my MS diagnosis and I am still walking on my own. At this time, I am not using a walker or cane as in times past. At this time, my vision allows me to drive. It hasn't always been as such. There have been so many times where I felt like giving up but my Daddy's words kept me going. I will rejoice the Lord gave me Doc who cares for me. He knows when I need a swift kick to move and he knows when I need to rest. I remember when Dr. Berke was talking to me about the first medicine I went on. He asked what my goal for the medicine was because he wanted me to realize it wouldn't change what I went through then but was more to stop the progression of the disease. I told him I wanted to be able to play with my grand babies without being in a wheelchair. (I knew that would be fifteen-twenty years from then.) I have accomplished that! I can't do what their other grandmothers do with caring for them which makes me sad. But I am able to play with them and enjoy being with them.
April 20 is a day of so many emotions. But I will without a doubt say and live, This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You for giving me memories to think about as I think about this being the anniversary of my Daddy's death. Lord, be with my Momma in such a mighty way. Give her a day where she feels Your presence so closely. Father, I do rejoice that my Daddy is no longer dealing with the deterioration of his physical body any longer. I also rejoice that You are my strength as I deal with the MS. Father, thank You for being My Gladness. Amen.
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